“Tell me what they said to upset you.” Though he had absolutely no authority regarding household or staff matters at Hadleigh Hall, he would put a bug in the earl’s ear about loose tongues.
“They said our marriage isn’t real.”
Hot annoyance stabbed through him. “How so?”
A cry escaped her. “That pitied me you.” She took a breath to presumably calm herself. Moisture spiked her eyelashes as she peered up at him. “That there is no blood on the sheets and I’m still innocent.” Her swallow was audible. “Not a real union.”
Ah, now he understood. “Oh, Caroline.” John released one of her hands in order to cup her cheek. He caught at the tears with his gloved thumb. “You and I agreed when we wed that this would be a marriage of convenience. Until you wanted it to change.” His pulse accelerated. “It will remain that until you decide otherwise, for I don’t wish to frighten you or push you into something you might not wish for.” For he refused to bed her merely to slake his own lust. She had to be ready; she needed to want him.
A frown tugged at the corners of her mouth. “But…” She sighed. “You make me feel like… drowning when you are close.”
That was certainly a step in the right direction. When he would have answered her, she continued.
“Do you want me as a wife?” Her blush deepened. “As a woman?”
Desire shot down his spine to lodge in his stones. “Dearest, of course I do. Couldn’t you tell the day at the duck pond?” When she giggled, the tautness in his shoulders relaxed. “As much as I’m happy to kiss you senseless,” he lowered his voice, for truly, discussing such things in a public place was beyond the pale, “touch you, caress you, gaze upon your naked body, it will lead to other things that might frighten you.”
“I want that.”
Those three words had the power to see him undone. He wanted to throw himself onto his knees at her feet and weep with joy, for she trusted him enough to at least let him closer. “I’m glad to hear that.” His throat tightened from an excess of emotion.
She squeezed his fingers. “I want to see you like at the duck pond and… naked.” The last word came sailing out on a barely audible whisper, but the despair that had previously been in her eyes had vanished. In its place was honesty and curiosity.
“I’m sure we can arrange that.” She’d made such strides today, opened up to him, talked about her feelings and what bothered her, hinted at expectations within their union. Overjoyed, John laughed. He scooped her into his arms and then spun her about, right there on the public street. The trills of her laughter washed over him, let some of his doubts free. When he set her on her feet, he said, “I realize everything in life is difficult for you, perhaps even frightening. You haven’t been accustomed to talking to anyone, let alone doing other more personal endeavors, but I want to know about you and how the world is for you.” He peered into her face, hoping that sincerity reflected in his eyes. “Do you trust me with letting me in?”
“Yes.” She nodded then a frown stole away her previous mirth. The determined tilt of her chin signified she’d gotten stuck on a particular point. “May I see you naked even if we are not in love?”
His chest tightened. It wouldn’t do to rush his fences. Perhaps that would come in time. “We are married. There is no scandal in it.” Though she wished to see him sans clothing, she’d made no mention of doing anything past that.
Patience, John. Give her time while you learn about her, understand her.
Caroline nodded. Her eyes brightened. “Now?”
“Right here on the street?” he couldn’t resist teasing.
She shrugged, and to Caroline, everything was either there or it wasn’t. “Yes?”
Another wave of heat washed over him. “Uh, how about as soon as we are back at Hadleigh Hall?” And God help him to survive.
A slow grin curved her lips, and all he wanted to do right in that moment was to kiss her. “Will there be tea?”
How adorable was she? Only his wife would want to enjoy tea while he apparently removed his clothes for her pleasure or study. Which he would gladly do. “Of course.” Oh, Brand would laugh if he ever found out.
Her smile could rival the sun. “Good.”
*
True to hisword, John ordered tea. The apartment he’d been given upon arrival had a small dressing room that also functioned as a sitting room, so he had the repast delivered there. After all, there was no shame since they were married. If the butler looked askance at him, he ignored it, for Caroline was there as well. She’d perched upon the low sofa, and the green brocade upholstery contrasted nicely with the pink of her dress. The door to the adjoining bedchamber stood open, waiting, just as he was.
As soon as the butler departed, Caroline removed her gloves. They tumbled indiscriminately to the floor. Really, it had been a wonder she’d even donned them for their outing. Most times, she left them behind as irrelevant. She poured out a cup of tea for herself. John made certain the door to the corridor was locked. Then he did the same for the one in the bedchamber. When he returned, she’d stood, cup of tea in one hand and her sketchpad in the other.
His nerves suddenly felt as if they were strung too tight. Which was odd, for he wasn’t a green boy with no experience. There was something to be said about a woman who liked the looks of a man’s form so much that she wished to draw him. “Uh, shall we adjourn to the other room?”
“Yes.”
He let her precede him into that room. Never had he been asked to disrobe for inspection, but Caroline was different than most people. It didn’t mean she was odd; it merely meant her mind dwelled in a higher place than others. “Would you feel more comfortable in that chair?” He indicated a straight-backed wooden chair nearby. “Or do you wish to sit on the bed?”
The four-poster bed was dressed with counterpane and curtains in the same shades of green found in the other room. Suddenly, the piece of furniture loomed large in the room. What happened by the end of the afternoon was anyone’s guess, but he’d do whatever she asked.