Chapter Sixteen
For the first time in his adult existence, Drew felt content. The session with Sarah had ended a half hour ago. Now, after dressing himself and putting his clothes to rights, as well as assisting her with her gown, he sat in a comfortable wing backed chair with his wife on his lap, her knees hooked over an armrest, a crocheted blanket covering them both, for the rain-cooled air wafting in from the windows had brought a slight chill to the room.
A pleasant lethargy weighted his limbs. Sarah rested her head on his chest, the candlelight winking off her spectacle lenses as well as the silver locket about her neck. She was warm and right in his arms, and she’d been exceedingly wonderful as they’d shared the greatest intimacy. Every sound she’d made, each movement of her body, the delight she’d shown when he’d sent her over the edge of pleasure, all the smiles and touches she’d bestowed upon him had driven him closer to something he’d never experienced—peace. When they’d made love together, the storms within him had calmed for a time, and during that respite, the walls around his heart had crumbled. He’d lost a piece of that organ to her, willfully let her peer into his soul and take up housekeeping if she wished it.
And still there was an overwhelming sense of peace long after the initial euphoria of the joining had ended.
How remarkable.
As he sat there in the quiet, listening to the sound of Sarah’s soft breathing as she dozed in and out of consciousness, his chest tightened, but not from anxiety or anger. Of course, the worry about the future lingered, for he was responsible for her care, but it didn’t attempt to crush him as before. No, what he felt was… shock. Surely, he couldn’t be falling for his wife. But what else could such profound serenity mean? Especially when he’d not had that before in his life. It wasn’t until the arrival of this one remarkable woman that he’d begun to… change.
It had only been one week, but he hadn’t had cause to let anger rage uncontrolled. And with a few of her suggestions, his anxiety had been kept at bay. Would he be able to continue down that path for the rest of his life? He hoped so, for this halcyon time with Sarah was infinitely valuable, and he’d be the biggest nodcock to let it slip through his fingers.
Daring much, he pressed his lips to her hair and glanced across the room to where her flute rested. The sheet music resting on the stand flapped anemically in the slight breeze. If it were within his power, he would help her meet those dreams she had of playing in London in whatever capacity she was comfortable with. She was a natural with music, and he shouldn’t act selfish and keep her gift all to himself. The world would benefit from her talent.
As the rain continued to drum against the windows, Sarah stirred. She glanced up into his face. The soft smile she bestowed tugged at his heart. What would it take for him to see that every damned day from this moment on? “I’m surprised you didn’t leave me on the sofa and let me rest.” Sleep made her voice smoky and sensual. Renewed awareness shivered down his shaft.
“And miss this chance?” Drew adjusted his hold on her. “It’s no difficulty.” He touched a finger to her locket. “Will you tell me about your family? Above and beyond your great uncle?” The woman in his arms had never failed to astound him, and he wanted to know everything about her.
Her eyes widened behind her spectacle lenses. “Do you truly wish that?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” Had her eyes always been as deep and unfathomable as drinking chocolate? The tiny golden flecks made him want to explore further. “What do you keep inside the locket?”
“My parents.” With trembling hands, she opened the oval piece of jewelry and then turned it so he could see the miniature paintings, each an inch high. “I have Mama’s looks. As a young girl, I was envious of her golden hair and used to imagine myself with tresses like that in a storybook.”
“But your hair is equally as wonderful,” he protested with a laugh.
“Ah, but Mama had strands of strawberry and the faintest platinum threads.” She touched her mother’s portrait with a fingertip. “While my father was brilliant at business and striking a bargain, Mama’s gift was making connections. She had a magnetic personality that made people want to gravitate around her.” A soft smile curved her lips. “Many of my father’s business deals came about because Mama had laid that groundwork ahead of time.”
“Who were her people?”
“She was the daughter of a merchant who made and sold ladies’ fans. Some of his ivory work was masterful. That’s how she met my father. He’d come into the shop with a delivery for my grandfather. I think they fell in love at first sight.”
Drew glanced at the tiny portrait of her father. A rather handsome man with dark brown hair and a pair of small, round spectacles in silver frames. “You inherited your poor eyesight from him?”
“Oh, yes.” Sarah chuckled as she closed the locket with a soft click. “Without them, I can’t see past the end of my nose. The world looks mostly like large blobs of color.” She talked of her parents with such fondness in her voice, a touch of jealousy stabbed through him.
“Were you devastated when you lost them?” Somehow, he couldn’t imagine his plain-speaking, optimistic Sarah as floundering in grief.
For long moments she remained silent as emotions flitted through her eyes. Finally, she nodded. “I was inconsolable for days after I received the news. And with no other family readily available, let alone close friends, I had no one to turn to, no one to console me.” Her chin trembled, and he held her a little closer. “I was lost and alone.”
“As you’ve told me on a previous occasion, you are no longer that.” He suddenly wanted to be her anchor when chaos swirled around her.
“There is a certain comfort in that.” She rested a hand on his chest. “You have no idea how frightening it was when I realized I had no one in my life, and beyond that, nowhere to go. Papa didn’t leave a fortune or anything like that. I sold much of our possessions to pay for the rents and other obligations.” She drew abstract designs on his jacket lapel. “I had no idea what to do or where to turn, but I had no time to grieve as I’d wished.”
“You needed to survive.” A woman alone in the world wasn’t afforded many options, and all too many of them ended up as prostitutes to see themselves fed. “How did you discover your great uncle?”
“My father had spoken of him a few times over the years. Once, we visited him in Derbyshire at Christmastide.” She shrugged and her wandering fingers traced the ruby stickpin in the folds of his cravat. “I took the remaining coin that I had, packed my clothes and a few personal items, and booked a spot on the mail coach, intending to throw myself upon his goodwill and doorstep. If he refused me entry, I can’t imagine what would have become of me.”
There were too many unscrupulous men prowling about that she might have found herself confronted with one of them. He gave into a shiver. A thread of gratitude went through him that he’d discovered her when he had, else she’d face a similar decision in another ten years. “You’re here now and never need worry over your future.” Warmth surged into his being, for it gave him immense pleasure to say that.
“You’re a good man.” She tapped the ruby with a fingernail. “Tell me the significance of this. Not a day goes by that you don’t wear it.”
Dread coiled, cool and dark, in his gut.
Never had he shared the reasoning behind the pin with anyone, not even Barton. Instinct told him to retreat, recoil from potentially opening himself up to pain and censure, but Sarah put a palm to his cheek, turned his head until their gazes connected, and it helped him to find balance.
“Don’t go backward. Your path doesn’t point there.” Affection reflected in her eyes, and he reeled from the discovery. Was she coming to care for him despite the obstacles they’d already passed? “Share with me. It’s what a married couple does.”