Chapter Six
Sarah’s head swam. Her thoughts circled around like ponies on a loop, while her gut churned with both anxiety and unexpected anticipation. Merciful heavens, she had agreed to marry a man she didn’t know, let alone didn’t love or even like overly much.
What am I doing?Her heartbeat surged. After a few deep breaths as she stared at the man before her, her pulse resumed its normal placid course. Then she straightened her spine and pushed her spectacles back to the bridge of her nose. What was she doing? Looking after her future, for there was no one else to do it for her. No longer would she need to worry, or scrimp and save.
What was more, perhaps with the earl’s power, she could more easily reach her dream of playing on a London stage. That alone was worth the price she’d need to pay.
When she met his eyes, the anger roiling there as well as depression and a tiny bit of fear stole her breath. What demons did he fight with, and why did she wish to immerse herself into that angst? Because she’d seen a silent cry for help on his face as they’d conversed, and it had tugged at her compassion. She knew those emotions well, had dealt with them herself a time or two, and this man had the look of someone who was three steps away from a complete collapse.
Finally, she nodded again as if to solidify her decision. Yes, he needed her for more than fulfilling his duty, and the reason why intrigued her enough that she’d agreed. As soon as she could, she would discover it. “Thank you. I’d like to say we’ll be happy together, but the world doesn’t work that way. Instead, I’ll say that I hope we won’t destroy each other as we enter this new phase of life.” For with his temper and her backbone, the nuptial merger didn’t make much sense.
“In this, you might be more correct than you know.” Then he cleared his throat. “In any event, think nothing of it. We are merely two people using each other as a means to an end.” He waved a hand in dismissal, but that didn’t remove the bitter sting in his statement. “Who shall I speak with about the terms of our betrothal—the baronet? Another relative?”
The words made everything all too real, and what a sad state of affairs it was. Sarah forced moisture into her dry throat with a hard swallow. “As I said before, I have no other relatives.” Sweat trickled down her spine, for the sun was quite warm. She might be desperate to change her fate, but she wasn’t stupid. If her great uncle oversaw the contract, it would only benefit him, and he didn’t deserve it. “I am quite capable of negotiating the terms as well as—if not better than—him. He’s done the bare minimum for me and my well-being already. You may show me the terms instead.”
“I beg your pardon?” He stared at her with annoyance and grudging admiration mixing in his blue-gray eyes. “You’re a woman, and you wish to enter betrothal negotiations.” It wasn’t a question.
“I’m glad you’re so observant, my lord.” Sarah smiled, but it felt all too forced. “I meant what I said.” Her fingers dug into the straw brim of her bonnet as her eyeglasses slid down her nose. “You may discuss everything with me. I am advocating for myself.” She took a deep breath and let it ease out. “Never again will I allow a man control over my future.”
Except, marrying an earl would bring certain complications to that statement.
“I see.” He gawked at her as if he didn’t know what to make of her. For the first time in Sarah’s life, power licked through her veins. No wonder men fought for it. As would she. Finally, she had the opportunity for control over her own future, and it almost made her giddy.
Or perhaps too confident, for she felt compelled to continue. “If you think to cheat me merely because I’m a female, or you’ve decided that me bearing you children is enough, you’re sadly mistaken.” The thought of doing those acts with him to find herself in that state sent a thrill sailing down her spine. Heat burned in her cheeks. Though why she had even agreed to that without feeling anything beyond annoyance for him, she couldn’t say.
You’re a liar, Sarah.
Yes, yes, she was, for the attraction he’d spoken of earlier was there and it pulled at a need deep inside her. The fact that he might desire her left her at sixes and sevens, but she’d aim to enjoy the ride for as far as it took her. Why should she not? She shoved her spectacles back into place and looked at him, waiting for his rebuttal.
A trace of disappointment shadowed his face for a few brief seconds before his customary disagreeable disposition obliterated it. Why he should take refuge in that instead of the charm he could display was beyond her. “Fine.” The earl chopped the air with a hand. “I am many things, but I am not a cheat or a swindler.” Anger flashed in his eyes—so much fury inside his person all the time. But why? “Come to Hadleigh Hall tomorrow at one o’clock. The paperwork will be waiting for you.”
Apparently, the battle of wills between them would begin now. “I have lessons until four.” But she wouldn’t back down, not with so much riding out the outcome.
“God damn it, Sarah, must you prove so stubborn in everything?” He shoved a gloved hand through his hair, leaving the mass in upended furrows.
The sound of her name in his voice had a few flutters moving through her belly, but she shook her head. “Women have few rights as it is in this world, my lord. I aim to see that my future is secure.”
“Despite this inauspicious beginning, I won’t leave you wanting.” Drew curled a hand into a first before relaxing it when she flicked her gaze to it. “Come for tea at five.” Without another word, he turned to leave, apparently forgetting that he’d ridden to her great uncle’s home or that he should escort her back.
Arrogant prig.Did she truly wish to align herself with a man like him? At the moment, it was the lesser of two evils. “Is that it then?” she said to his retreating back. “You have what you want and now you’re done?” Would he conduct everything else between them in such a cold, perfunctory manner?
He came to a halt. Was it her imagination or did a growl emanate from him? “What more could you possibly want? You are being give the better end of the bargain, by far.” When he faced her once again, the grit of the dirt road scraping beneath his boots, the loathing on his face left her trembling with apprehension. Was it for her or himself, and why did she want to know?
Still, Sarah refused to let him treat her as a piece of rubbish on his heel. “A fat lot more than this. You’re a stranger to me, an arrogant arse of a man who will take me to bed to beget an heir.” As she made each point, his chest swelled, and red color mottled his neck above his cravat. A button popped from his waistcoat to land in the meadow grass at the side of the road. But she plunged on, unwilling to stop. “Perfunctory and without feeling or even companionship between us.” She ignored the heat in her cheeks. No, she hadn’t thought ahead at what marriage to him would encompass, for she’d only wanted out of her current situation.
As she stared, her imagination took flight. What would he look like in the nude? Already, he cut a powerful figure of broad shoulders, lean hips, and a narrow waist. Perhaps he would resemble a statue of a Greek god she’d seen once while visiting a friend years ago. What sort of lover would he be, and would she enjoy that sort of attention? The thought sent her mind reeling once more.
Dear heavens, I’ve no more knowledge in that than I do of conducting myself as a countess.What would he think of her ignorance?
“What is your point, Miss Copeland?” Ice dripped from the inquiry.
A huff escaped her. “Oh, this is impossible.” Sarah whirled about and jammed her bonnet upon her head. “I’m naught but a fool.” Security wasn’t enough to spend a lifetime with a man so obviously lost in personal problems. She took a few steps in the direction of her great uncle’s house.
“You’ll leave without giving me respect, like all the others.” Yes, the perpetual anger he carried resonated in his voice, but there was also a hint of resignation, and that tugged at her sympathy.
Her eyebrows rose. Here was a break, a crack in his armor so to speak, that she could use to know him better. “Respect is earned, my lord. People are not for you to order about like pawns on a chessboard.” But she kept walking. If he wanted this marriage, he would need to work for it or at least show her that it mattered—that she did.
“So then you’re a coward.” The challenge in his tone rang clear. “I expected more from you than that.”