Chapter Fifteen
Sunny couldn’t get over how empty the house was. She struggled to even call it home anymore. The vet had said Spike could come home in another few days, which was good because the place that had been her sanctuary felt entirely changed.
Each night, when she’d lain in the bed alone, in the silent, empty house, she’d considered calling her men.
They’re not my men, are they?
Each time, though, she’d rolled over and closed her eyes. She’d told herself that she couldn’t unring that bell, that once she called, she was admitting she wanted that life. It wasn’t just a call. It was the entire future.
They’d given her a good taste of what such a future would be from them. Garrison had given her so much pleasure, had made her realize how much she enjoyed sex and exactly how much control she still had over it. Connor had praised her, had chipped away her doubts until she couldn’t doubt how he saw her. And Trent? He’d opened her eyes, taught her that she wasn’t broken just because she enjoyed pain, that it was okay for her to be who she was and that she wasn’t at fault for what had happened with Tanner.
And they’dalltaught her that there were people in the world who could give her that if she wanted it.
But did she?
She lowered herself onto the couch on her back porch, tired from chasing her tail, from trying to work through something that had two options.
Call them or not.
Admit she wanted a life like that or reject it.
She knew what she wanted but wanting something and getting it were entirely different.
A strange sound made her twist, peering toward the fence. The rustling of plants?
She scolded herself for her paranoia. With Spike gone, she found herself jumping at every little sound, then cursing Tanner for making her like this. There was no good reason for her to act as if the world was after her. The reality was that she lived in the middle of nowhere, so between rabbits, coyotes and the occasional bobcat, there wasalwaysmovement around her property.
She would have normally gone inside a good hour ago, but what was the point? At least the outside, the sky and the mountains, were the same as they’d always been. They didn’t feel changed like the inside did, so she’d stayed out.
At least, she did until her eyes started to drop closed, when she admitted she had to take herself to bed.
Alone.
She had to force herself to her feet, a fear inside her that this was it. This was the life she was headed for. The quiet that used to be so ideal to her now chafed. When she’d first moved here, the silence had soothed her. Without Tanner’s overwhelming presence, his yelling, his sharp words, she’d found her ability to breathe again. Now, though, it had become as stifling as it had been freeing. She missed hearing voices, having people around, feeling the part of something instead of on her own.
She went to the slider with the same hesitation she had each time she looked at the new one, at the way the metal was shiny, unlike her old, dulled one. She pushed past the memory and went into the house, the inside dark so it wouldn’t compete with the sky.
The hairs on her arms stood up, something on the edge of her awareness that warned her, but this time she couldn’t push it off as paranoia.
She went to flip the light switch, but nothing happened. The glow from the house was gone, the electronics that cast digital times all dark.
She twisted around, trying to peer through the dim house, her heart speeding, her head doing that thing where her thoughts slowed because panic had set in.
Calm down. It’s nothing. It’s always nothing.
She wasn’t going to let memories take her down this path, let them steal things from her and turn her into a mess. She’d worked too hard for too long to let that happen.
In front of her, as her eyes adjusted, a face appeared in the darkness. It was like something crawling from her nightmares, features she’d never forget, the ones that had haunted her for years and tormented her for years before that.
Tanner had found her.
* * * *
Garrison stared down at the takeout Trent had brought home.
He didn’t used to mind eating food they picked up, but somehow it had lost the appeal. It felt like the ultimate sign of bachelorhood, and ever since Sunny had left, he realized he didn’twantthat life anymore.
It was funny that after so many years of it, of living with just his two best friends, of taking all the different women both together and apart, he’d never thought it would become monotonous. It had seemed like what any man would want.