Everything had been so simple just weeks before. She’d turned her life into a wonderful, safe little rut. She worked at the shelter, helped women, went home to Spike and silence and solace. It hadn’t been exciting, but it had been good.
And now what? She’d ventured out of that rut, she’d gone to Sanctuary searching for something that had hurt her before, and look what had happened. Now she was playing with men she had no business messing with, she’d had to take time off her job, and Spike was here injured and she had only herself to blame.
If she had just stayed put, would it have happened? She wouldn’t have been out with Kat, so maybe she’d have been able to stop it.
A touch to her shoulder made her jump, but Connor’s rough, deep voice calmed her. “Just me, darlin’.”
“What did she say?” Sunny nodded toward the woman.
“He’s doing well.”
“He doesn’t look good.”
Connor crouched beside her. “He’s on a lot of medication to keep his pain levels under control. They’re going to make him tired.”
Sunny wanted to reach out, but something stopped her.
Connor grasped her wrist, then made her reach out and set her hand on Spike’s head. The dog’s tail sped, a soft whine leaving him as if that was exactly what he’d wanted.
And there went her ability to keep the tears in. Sunny leaned in and pressed her face to Spike’s, digging her fingers into his fur. He didn’t smell like him, but like a hospital—like antiseptic and cleaning agents.
After a moment, she shifted, the ground hard and uncomfortable.
Connor moved, sitting himself on the ground, then set his hand on her hips and guided her to his lap. Itwasmore comfortable, she had to admit, and she was close enough in the small kennel to still reach Spike.
“He’ll be okay,” Connor said.
“What kind of life will he have now? I never should have gone anywhere.”
Connor ran his hand up and down her back in a steady motion. “If you had been there, it wouldn’t have stopped this. It would just mean you might be in a hospital or worse along with him. Do you really think that would have made things better?”
But shedidthink that.
He sighed and shifted his hand to the back of her neck, using his thumb to rub at the tense muscles there. “Since you don’t seem to understand that, let me make it clear. It wouldn’t have changed a thing, other than you might not be here to take care of Spike afterward. And if he could talk, he would have said that he did exactly what he was meant to do and doesn’t regret it a bit. Look at him, Sunny, he’s happy as hell to see you. You think he’d have wanted to wake up and never see you again?”
That hit her hard, the thought of Spike having nowhere to go, of ending up in a shelter alone, waiting for her to come back and not understanding that she wouldn’t ever.
She shivered, a small, hiccupped gasp as she struggled to get her tears under control. “I just don’t like that he’s paying the price for me.”
“Because you don’t think you’re worth it.”
And boy didthatdig deep. It was true. The memory of all the things Tanner had told her, the times when he’d torn her down, all swamped her. The words he’d said, the ones that had over time etched so deeply into her that she couldn’t ignore them—they all swirled around inside her.
She’d brought Spike home because he needed a place, because she’d fallen for him instantly upon seeing how scary he looked, how no one else would give him a chance, and now he was suffering, all because of her.
Connor made a soft, unhappy sound in the back of his throat. “You are such a mess, darlin’. You sure let that asshole crawl into your head and haven’t quite gotten him out yet, have you?” He pressed his thumb down to her upper back, and despite the frustration and upset inside her, he managed to ease some of it.
She pulled in a deep breath, and when Connor shifted, she frowned. He was sitting on the hard concrete, with her in his lap, in a kennel that was probably not nearly large enough for a dog Spike’s size and a man Connor’s. “We can go,” she said, and went to rise.
He wrapped an arm around her, keeping her still. “I don’t think so, darlin’. You’re not nearly done here.”
“But you’re on the ground.”
“And I’ll sit here until well after my ass falls asleep. I know you ain’t done, that you want to visit longer, so we’ll stay just as long as we need to.”
She twisted to meet his gaze, expecting to find annoyance there. Tanner wouldn’t have been willing to just wait here, to let her take as much time as she’d wanted. Hell, Tanner wouldn’t have even gone to such a place with her, and if he had to, if it was the sort of thing that was to keep up appearances, he’d have made her pay for it later.
Connor appeared one hundred percent fine with spending hours there, sitting on a hard concrete floor, if it made her happy.