Chapter 16
—Belle—
Now
In a summer dress, I laid on the beach with my hand rubbing my belly and looked up at the sky, watching the fluffy white clouds pass by. I thought about how much my life had changed and what was yet to come. For some reason, it all hit me today. We’d been in Tahiti for five days now with nine days still left of our honeymoon.
We were married, trying to make a baby at all hours of the day. My hand slid up and down my stomach, contemplating the possibility of already being pregnant. Today was the first day the realization slammed into my head.
What if I was pregnant? Would I be a good mother? Would he be a good father? What kind of parents would we be? Did I want a girl or a boy? More kids? How many?
The questions that arose in my mind were on an endless cycle of one right after the other. People in relationships talked about these things during the dating phase. Getting to know each other and what the other wanted for their future. We skipped that whole stage, jumping headfirst into a marriage of convenience. We weren’t strangers by any means, but in so many ways it felt like we were.
A lot had changed in our lives in the last twenty years. At times, it felt as if he was still the same boy I fell head over heels in love with.
A look.
A word.
A smile.
His scent.
His kiss.
His hands all over my body.
They were the same.
Only continuing to confuse me.
At least we were on civil speaking terms. I couldn’t keep up with the emotional highs and lows. The attraction for him was still there. There was no hiding from it, seeing it for what it was. I hated being the reason there was so much tension between us.
Which was why I started spending more time at the beach, away with my thoughts. I’d picture myself with a baby in my arms, showing them how to swim, walk, and talk. Then Tristian would appear in my fantasy, where we were happy, laughing, in love…
For a moment, our life seemed perfect. Not filled with all this complicated indecision of the future we might never have together. I never imagined I’d be living a life that appeared to be someone else’s. Day in and day out, I thought about Tristian.
Our baby.
Were they my family now?
The rumbling of a motorcycle pulled me away from my thoughts. I sat up and gazed behind me as I heard the bike get closer to me. Stepping into my white sneakers next, I stood and walked toward the street. There in front of my eyes, the past and present collided with such a force I found it hard to breathe.
Once Tristian noticed I was there, he leaned the street bike on the kickstand and took off his helmet. With an intense stare, he left me speechless. His gaze spoke volumes withouthaving to say a word as he sat there on the bike. For the first time, I welcomed the way he was gazing at me. Almost like I was the same girl I was back then. As soon as his stare shifted to my hand that was still on my belly, I swear I saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
Was he envisioning the same thing I was?
Breaking our trancelike state, I questioned, “Where did the street bike come from?”
He grinned. “I rented it for us. I thought I’d take my wife for a ride.”
I hid back a smile, moseying around the bike. “I’m not exactly dressed for riding.”
“Never stopped you before.”
“She’s a beauty.” I nodded, unable to stop the satisfied expression on my face. “A 2019 Kawasaki Z H2.”
He beamed, loving the fact that I was still obsessed with motorcycles.