Damn. My eyes widened. I really knew how to pick them. No wonder I wasn’t too hurt when it was time to move on. And here I was thinking I was playing it safe by picking men that looked nice. How could I be mad at Khane for saving me from hurt and heartache? However, I couldn’t let him think I was okay with what he had done.
“Does your brother know you feel this way about me? Have all of those pictures, or that you’ve been watching me all this time?”
He lifted a brow. “You think he would have let you anywhere near me if he knew I was using you as my personal pin-up doll. Watching you to feed my sick fantasies, my dark desires, putting your face on every woman I fucked, using my….”
I held up a hand to stop his rant. “Okay, Khane. Damn. You make it sound so sick and twisted.” He flashed a twisted smile.
“It was sick and twisted, Desiree. If it means anything, I didn’t know who Arjen was marrying until you showed up in my kitchen that first morning. I had never asked him, had no idea who he was setting me up to marry either.”
“You’re not the least bit sorry about what you’ve done, are you? Not ashamed? Don’t care how it looks?”
The unbothered expression he flashed irked my nerves.
“I didn’t hurt you. I kept my distance and didn’t invade your privacy much, two or three times a month. You and I were never supposed to meet. We damn sure weren’t supposed to touch each other. Showing you this, revealing to you who I really am, it keeps you safe. Keeps us in the places we’re supposed to be in, me as your protection and you un-fucked until my brother returns.”
Khane wasn’t that callous, especially with me. I believed he was feigning nonchalance to add to his campaign to push me away.
“Khane, it’s my life, and you’re acting like it was no big deal that you have been in and out of it for years. Look, I appreciate you shielding me from what could have been disasters, but you can’t go interfering in someone’s life like that. You can’t invade someone’s privacy like that.”
A disturbing thought popped into my head, making the tension around my forehead grow tighter. “Your actions make me believe that since you couldn’t be with me, it didn’t matter who I dated, you’d find a way to get rid of them. Is that what you did?”
He didn’t answer, and worst, he still didn’t appear regretful. The sight of him so unapologetic was a slap to my emotions.
“Khane! How could you?” I yelled, breathless. He hadn’t even flinched at my reaction. “Everyone deserves to find happiness. You took away my chances of finding it. Not everyone I dated was a bad person.”
“I didn’t take all of them away. I wanted you happy, Desiree. I was a selfish asshole for interfering in your life, but all I wanted was for you to find someone willing to do anything for you. You deserve someone who wouldn’t be afraid to face your family or the danger that surrounded you. I wanted you to have someone that would protect you with their life, kill for you if they had to. With your family, even though you distanced yourself from them, you needed someone like that.”
“Someone like you,” I stated. I couldn’t argue with him on that point. Having a gun aimed at your face made you think twice about turning down anyone willing to help. “But still,” I continued. “You can’t live someone’s life for them.”
“I apologize for interfering in your life the way I did. It was messed up on so many levels, and I was wrong. But…”
“Khane Vallin, you are something else. You have everyone thinking one thing, when you have more layers than a fucking onion. You’re not sorry at all and could have kept that flimsy ass apology.” My angry words did nothing but cause him to lift a brow.
“What?” I asked. His unblinking stare, made me remember the but he’d added to his sorry-not-sorry.
“You have my brother now. You’re the first woman he has wanted to attempt a relationship with. He will protect and take care of you. You never have to see me again if you don’t want to. All you have to do is tell me to stay away, and I will.”
Why did I feel disturbed at the mention of me never seeing him again? Cause your ass is crazy, that’s why. The man had been intervening in my personal life the way he saw fit for years.
You should be more upset, Desiree. The little voice of reason in my head reminded.
I stood, stuck inside an endless cycle of emotions. One moment I wanted to strangle Khane, the next, I wanted to thank him for saving me from the drama I would have encountered with my poor choices in men. Why did he have to tell me this secret? Why the fuck was the idea of him being my silent protector growing on me?
Jesus help me.I was slipping further into my crazy, joining Khane on the flip side of sanity that he liked flirting with.
With one hand propped on my hip, I paced and peered at him every time anger surfaced. He sat in silence, waiting for me to extinguish my frustration and work through my thoughts. I would drop my gaze when something would grasp the anger and pull it back, sending me into a mind-loop of doom.
What Khane had done, watching me all that time, it frightened me. I was scared but not terrified. Was it because I knew what true pain felt like? Was it because I had lived through true horror?
Khane had been spying on me for years, yet he had not harmed me, in any way. In his own chaotic way, he had tried to protect me. Why the hell was I attempting to fold logic around his insane actions?
“Tell me again. Why have you never approached me?” I stood over him like a seasoned interrogator, my arms folded over my chest as I looked down my nose at him.
He had violated my privacy, but I was the one confusing him with my behavior at the moment. I was talking in circles, attempting to make sense of the insensible. I believed he was starting to realize that the sweet, delicate Desiree he assumed I was, was stone cold crazy.
“I knew that you didn’t want to be deeply involved with this type of lifestyle. I also noticed that you usually went for the guys that appeared safe, suits and ties, professional-looking. Nothing about me or my appearance equals safe. I figured if you saw me, really saw me, that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.”
He expected me to reject him because of his appearance, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. I stayed clear of the men I was truly attracted to because I figured a clean-cut, nice guy wouldn’t have any drama attached to him. I couldn’t have been more wrong.