Khane
Every moment I spent with Desiree was one too long because each left a mark, baptizing me in the heat of the contagious fever she filled me with. She slid into every pore, hooking her roots in down to my bones, while licking at my blood cells. When I was around her, my usual straight pattern of thought became scattered because they were being replaced or pushed aside by thoughts of her.
Against my better judgment, we enjoyed another fun-filled adventure with her helping me to prepare dinner. Cooking with her had become an event, fun and therapeutic almost. It pleased me that something as simple as cooking with me made her happy. Those beautiful smiles that filled her face, the joy in her laughter, the excitement in her body. I rejoiced in the fact that I was the source of her happiness.
I had never made any attempts to understand women, had never had a desire to and figured I never would. Desiree allowed me the opportunity to glimpse past a woman’s physical presence and delve deeper.
Her fascinating stories about growing up an Evans intrigued me. Her cute laugh enticed me to crack a smile each time. The way she held her chest when she laughed hard. The adorable little furrow above her right eyebrow when she side-eyed me.
I enjoyed sitting and watching her at this close up view. It pleased me immensely when she touched me for no other reason than to satisfy her need to do so. I loved the way she stared at my lips and into my eyes with longing in her own.
The tattoo that peeked from the back of her left shoulder blade called my attention. She had five tattoos that I had spotted, all etched in inconspicuous places. Seeing her head-on wouldn’t reveal any of them, but seeing a close-up view of her at different angles allowed me to see a different side of her. The artistic adventurous side that canvased a variety of different landscapes and a palette of colors she painted with to express her life.
The way she viewed me had been an eye-opening experience. For reasons I haven’t even begun to understand, she found me attractive and interesting, and I was burning through every warning in my head that insisted I stay the hell away from her.
I was lost and in unchartered territory. I wasn’t the person that entertained people, but I found myself putting forth the effort just to see Desiree’s smile.
Once the meal preparation was underway, we grew quiet for the first time. Dinner was filled with an oppressive, swirling heat, and inducing glares across the table. I recalled every action that had taken place on my balcony. I couldn’t clear it from my head. It was a vivid fantasy come true, and a reminder of why I’d been obsessed with Desiree from the moment I first saw her.
No matter how good it felt, I had to stop this. I avoided washing the dishes after dinner because she would help. I didn’t want to keep feeding the insatiable connection we shared. We were going to end up fucking, all the way. I couldn’t do that to Arjen, arranged marriage or not. We had already done enough damage.
Did she have any idea how hard it was for me to hold back? Of course, she didn’t. She was oblivious to the sweet chaos she stirred within me. She had no idea what she represented. How could she know that I was holding back from my one true obsession?
After placing all of the dishes in the dishwasher I rarely used, I found Desiree sitting at the table, waiting for me to return. There was a sincere mix of hope and happiness in her expression. There had to be a way to turn her off from me. I had been certain that her seeing me torture someone would do the trick, but she was an anomaly I might never fully understand.
I didn’t understand what made her want me when she knew I was as dangerous as I was damaged.
She knew that I killed, but did she understand that it was my primary job, one that I couldn’t get out of, even if I wanted to? She had no idea that I studied death in books and with medical professionals. I trained like a soldier that was active in a war that would never end. However, I believed she knew right away that I would never lay a harmful hand on her.
The general public and the women I had slept with rarely saw me without a contact lens. I gave the world what I assumed was the more pleasing image of myself, the fake version they were more likely to trust.
Women saw muscles, tanned skin, and a canvas of tattoos, and it translated into the bad boy they desired. They never considered glancing deeper, or asking about the person within, not that I gave them a chance to go that far.
Desiree had seen me by accident the first day, and her immediate acceptance of me had me thinking differently about how I presented myself.
“I heard you on the phone earlier. Was it about the men you killed yesterday? Is it going to be okay for me to keep my spa date with my friend, Patrena in a few days?”
My gaze fell to the empty space where my plate had been, remembering that I had picked at my food. Usually, I devoured any meal set in front of me because my appetite had always been ferocious. However, with Desiree present, I had developed a different kind of hunger.
“Yes. Shouldn’t be a problem, although the guys haven’t identified if the men spying on you were from a group or working independently. I’ll keep an eye on you from a distance as I did before.”
“Isn’t it dangerous for me to go out, though? What if more guys are out there waiting for me?”
“I won’t let you out of my sight. We’ll protect you. The last thing we want is for you to lose your freedom, which in our opinion is a fate worse than death.”
The update caused that beautiful smile to grace her face. I believed she liked me watching her. How would she react if she knew the secret I had been keeping for the past six years?
A self-deprecating notion hit me. Revealing my secret was guaranteed to drive away any romantic tendencies she had for me. It would allow her to see me for the monster I was and not the portrait of me that she had been painting in her head since her stay with me.
“Will you follow me? There is something I need to show you.” I turned away from her confused expression and marched towards my bedroom. The sound of her chair scooting back was followed by her light steps as she trailed behind me. I love that she stopped wearing those noisy slippers, which allowed me to see her bared feet and pretty little toes.
It didn’t occur to me until I was opening my bedroom door that she may have assumed I was insinuating sex. She didn’t protest the idea, which made this unveiling that much more necessary.
I stood at my door as she padded past me and entered my room, glancing around. Her mouth dropped at the sight of her paintings above my bed. The big smile that illuminated her face put a deep crease of concern on mine.
“I didn’t know you were a fan of my work. I mean you said you were, but those were exclusive, only available to a select group.”
“I’m a loyal fan of your work and of you,” I informed, causing her brow to lift and the smile to deepen. Her hand was clamped over a wide grin, one that my next reveal would wipe away from her face. Her smile dissolved when she noticed my rigid posture and serious expression.