I’m starting to feel like she knows more than she’s letting on, confirming my suspicions. My skin feels all creepy-crawly now like it’s too small for my body. I want to jump out of the car while it’s moving. “I hope you would,” I manage with a short laugh.
“Even if the situation was… unconventional.”
Yes, she knows. And I’m trapped in the car with her. Is that what this is all about? I stare out the window, wishing I was dead.
She says, “I don’t mind, you know?”
No way. “Don’t mind what?”
“You know what I’m talking about.” When all I can do is stare at her with my mouth hanging open, she chuckles. “Listen. Richard and I had a long talk about this last night, though it’s not the first time the subject has come up. We’ve both seen the way the three of you are together. The way the boys look at you, the way you look at them. It’s obvious something is going on.”
“You were talking about us?” I feel naked all of a sudden. Exposed. Filthy.
“Don’t worry. I love you. Richard loves his sons. We’re about to combine our families—of course, we’d talk about you. And we’re in agreement.”
“About what?” I croak.
“About the three of you being in an unconventional relationship. Neither of us is going to stop you, should you decide to pursue that. You’re adults. So long as you come to an agreement and everybody’s happy, there’s no reason for us or anybody else to hold you back.”
I’m dreaming. Or I drowned earlier and didn’t realize it until now. She can’t possibly be saying these things.
She giggles. “Sorry if I shocked you, but I figured you’d better hear it now in case you’re worried about what either of us thinks. I don’t think I was fully decided until I saw the three of you in the pool. They took the time to teach you to swim today. They obviously care about you and want to protect you. I couldn’t ask for more—besides your happiness, which is always most important.”
I want to tell her she’s wrong, but the truth is, I’m tired of denying things—denying what I want, how I feel. I don’t want to lie anymore. “What about the rest of the world?”
“What about them?” She laughs. “It might be the privilege of middle age talking, but I finally figured out how little it matters what other people think. If I did, I never would’ve found Richard. I know what people probably say. How I’m not in his class, how we don’t belong together, how I must be a gold digger for marrying him so soon after we started dating.”
We come to a red light. She turns to me, and she’s not laughing anymore. “I don’t care because I’m happy. He’s happy. We enjoy being together. I give him something he can’t get from any of those women in his so-called class. Those jealous bitches can fuck off.”
Laughter bursts out of me before I can stop it, and she laughs, too. “Call it my new attitude. I even like myself better this way.”
“So you wouldn’t care if people got weird about us?”
“Not even a little. Neither would Richard.” The light changes, and she turns her attention back to the road. “All you have to worry about is whether you care.”
Right. I wish I had a cute little quip of my own. All I can say is, “I need to think about it.”