During the meal, Wren told me a bit about the area where she would be living—outside of Paris in Versailles. She’d been brushing up on her French, which she’d had two semesters of in college.
After a couple of hours, the line to get into the place was out the door, so we felt bad hogging the table. My dilemma continued because I didn’t want to take her back to the house, but I wasn’t ready to let her go yet.
“It’s a nice night. Wanna take a walk?” I suggested.
“I feel like I could stand to walk off all this tikka.” She smiled. “So, sure. Although…I don’t know how far I can go in these shoes. I almost never wear heels, but for some reason I decided to be bold today.”
Crap. “We don’t have to walk, then.”
“No, I want to,” she insisted. “Let’s just see how I do. I’ll let you know if my feet start to hurt.”
We left the restaurant and strolled through the center of town. After only a couple of blocks, I noticed her limping a little. That didn’t take long.
“Okay, you’re clearly not comfortable in those shoes. We should head back toward my house. Or if you prefer, I can go and come back with my car.”
“No. I’ll be okay.” The sadness in her eyes when she showed up at my house tonight had returned. “I don’t want to leave you. If we go back to my car, I need to go home. Because I know I shouldn’t go inside with you. So we need to keep walking.”
That broke my heart. She was willing to hurt her freaking feet just to spend time with me. But her feelings echoed my own. If her feet weren’t hurting, I wouldn’t have cared if we walked to downtown Boston and back tonight. After several seconds of ruminating, I got a brilliant idea.
“You know what? There’s a park not terribly far from here where we can sit and talk. We just have to get you there.”
She perked up. “Let’s go.”
“I’m not letting you walk in those shoes anymore, though.”
“What do you suggest?” She laughed. “That I go barefoot on the grimy sidewalk?”
Without thinking any further, I wrapped my arms around her and scooped her up, causing her to squeal in laughter.
“You’ve always swept me off my feet, Moody. But this is taking it to a whole new level.”
“You’re even lighter than I thought.” I winked.
“Seriously, thank you.”
As I carried her, I tried not to look in her eyes, knowing if I did, I’d be tempted to take her mouth. My heart was going a mile a minute the entire walk to the park.
When we arrived, I put her down in front of one of the benches.
“Remind me to wear these shoes again if it means getting a free ride like that.”
“Don’t get carried away,” I teased.
We leaned our backs against the bench and looked up at the evening sky. The park was empty, so we had it all to ourselves.
“Thanks again for taking me out,” she said. “Pretty sad that our first actual date is under these circumstances.” She looked at me to gauge my reaction. “I’m kidding. I know it wasn’t a date—even if it felt like it.”
For some reason, that realization hit me in the feels. We’d been through a lot together. Yet until tonight, we’d never actually been out together. That seemed crazy. And no, this wasn’t a date. It was more. Everything with her felt like more.
“I guess everything’s been ass backwards with us, huh?” I said.
There was that sadness in her eyes again. “Can I be honest about something?” she asked.
“Of course.”
“Even though we’ve been keeping our distance these last couple of weeks, I’m still struggling with my feelings for you. It’s a bigger part of my not wanting to leave than I might be letting on.”
That wasn’t something I wanted to hear. She deserved my honesty, too. But if I told her I was also struggling, it would only add fuel to the fire of her doubt. When I didn’t say anything, she continued.
“I keep thinking about our night together, how it felt to sleep next to you in your bed. I don’t know that there’s any place I could travel that beats that.” She took a slow breath in and let it out. “I know why I have to ignore these feelings, but it feels very unnatural.”
I looked up at the dark night sky and then turned to her. “I’ve been struggling, too.” It felt good to let it out, even if I didn’t plan on elaborating.
She kept looking at me like she was waiting for more, more of an explanation of my feelings. I could’ve told her I’d never felt about anyone the way I felt about her. That she’s the only person I felt comfortable opening up to. How I dreaded worrying about whether or not she’d be safe in a new, strange place so far away. But I had to continue to remind myself that Rafe’s well-being and mental health took priority. Wren getting to live her life and not being tied down right now took priority. And protecting her from my inability to be a good long-term partner also fell somewhere into the equation.