Chapter Thirty
Arthur held her for a long time. She did feel safe here, with him, like this. It was exhausting talking about Professor Teufel. Hell, even thinking about him. At least Arthur had proved to be a good man who had apologized for his mistake and she hadn’t had to figure out what the fuck to do if she had to leave here. It wouldn’t have been pretty, but even rehab would be better than staying with a rape apologist.
Even if her mom would’ve let her stay at her and David’s house, she wouldn’t have. Not only was David not her favorite, but when she had asked him—after much prodding from her mother—if he thought she had a case he’d echoed what her advisor had said:Keep it to yourself. You don’t want to make trouble because then word will get around that you’re difficult. And no one wants to work a difficult woman.
She should’ve expressed her rage at the time—why was it only women who could be difficult? Most of the real jerks she knew were men. And why should reporting a sexual assault make her difficult? Wasn’t her job to seek justice? How was she supposed to advocate for others if she couldn’t stand up for herself?
She wasn’t excited about sitting up and seeing how much Arthur pitied her, how broken he thought she was. Which, fine, she felt pretty broken but that didn’t mean other people had to see her that way. But she couldn’t stay curled up against him forever. For starters, his legs were probably numb—she wasn’t exactly a featherweight.
When she did manage to push away from him, she didn’t find a man who looked like he was going to treat her like a priceless vase. No, his features were drawn tight like something in him was under so much tension he might snap.
“Arthur? Are you okay?”
He smiled at her, though not a loose and easy smile. Not that delicious half cocky, half tender smile she loved so well but instead something forced even if he meant it. “I’m fine, princess.”
“You don’t look fine.”
She knew it was rude but she didn’t care if it got him to talk to her. In response, he barked a laugh and tapped the tip of her nose with a single fingertip.
“Yes, I’m fine. I’m much more concerned with you. I do…I do wish you’d told me this sooner. I’m not blaming you for not, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for your to talk about. But I…”
His low-set brows gathered and emphasized the lines etched in his forehead as he drew a finger over his temple. The man could’ve been a dictionary illustration for pensive.
“I would’ve handled things differently if I’d known. Moved a lot slower. Checked in with you more often. Talked everything over more before we even started. I’m sorry if anything I did reminded you of him or if I made you uncomfortable. I never want you to feel obligated to me in any way, and I never want you to worry about making me upset by refusing me.”
“Daddy!” she gasped and shifted so she was straddling him instead of cradled in his lap. It was easier to hug him this way, to sift through his soft hair with her fingers. “Never. You never made me feel like he did, ever. I always feel so safe with you and I know you’d stop if I asked you to. He didn’t, wouldn’t, no matter what I said, but you gave me a word to make it stop if I needed to. Nothing about what he did turned me on. And you… I… It’s like you pulled fantasies out of my head and made them come true. I want more of you. All of you. All the time.”
“I’m glad, princess. So glad. I couldn’t live with myself if I thought I had done anything to hurt you.”
She sat back on his knees and he cupped her face in his hands.
“Please promise me if I ever trigger you that you’ll tell me. I know you’re brave and strong but you don’t need to brazen your way through that, okay? I don’t want you to. We’ll take a step back and check in and I’ll learn. Say you promise, Saoirse.”
She had the urge to tease him, offer a pinkie swear or draw an X over her heart with a fingertip but she didn’t think that would be appreciated at this moment so she covered his hands with hers and looked him in the eyes.
“I promise, Daddy.”
“That’s a good girl.”