Good. It’d hurt less to obsess over Yael’s foot on my ankle than the fact that my grandpa was gone, returned to the earth and stardust.
“He proved his opinion of me is lower than dirt.”
“What?” My brows drew together. “Mo loves the hell out of you.”
“Oh, I know.” She waved me off. “He also seems to think I have no sense of decency or decorum.”
“Pretty vague. You’re not giving me anything to go on.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’ll forgive him as soon as he flashes his puppy dog eyes at me. He’s the worst.”
That brought out a light chuckle. “Yeah, I can tell you hate your brother.”
“Oh god, I know. He’d have to murder an actual puppy for me to even begin to hate him.” She ran her fingers through her silky, dark waves. “How’s the music thing working out?”
“Decent. Mo and I found these two brothers we’re going to recruit to join us. It’s about time we get serious or walk away.” I rubbed my forehead, my eyes burning with tears that really fucking wanted to spill. “Feels weird to even think about making music without Charlie here. He’s the reason I started playing, and he’s just...gone.”
“Oh.” She laid her palm on my knee, giving it a firm squeeze. “You’re sad again. I hate seeing you this way.”
“Do you?”
“Alex,” she sighed, “we were supposed to be best friends once and youaremy brother’s best friend. Of course I hate when you’re sad. And I have no idea how to fix this. If I could stand on my head, I would.”
I picked up her hand, rubbing the tips of her fingers with my thumb. “It can’t be fixed. Charlie Murray won’t ever be heard from again and the world is always going to be a less colorful place for me. No way around it.”
She scooted forward in her chair, our knees tangling, her free hand landing on the side of my neck. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone like that, but I do know you aren’t alone in this. You’ll never be alone. And if you want to be sad right now, I’ll sit here with you and maybe hug you through it if that’s what you need.”
“Okay.” My shoulders shook as tears spilled. Yael leaned her forehead against mine, her thumb moving back and forth on my neck. I cried, and she listened. Not to my words, but to the sound of my mourning.
I dropped her hand and wrapped my arms around her back, pulling her into my lap. She smelled fresh and faintly floral. The warm weight of her grounded me, keeping me from spiraling even further downward. She kissed my cheek again and held me, wiping my tears and humming the tune of one of the pop songs she was always listening to. When I realized what it was, a laugh bubbled out of me.
“What the fuck? Are you humming ‘All About the Bass’?”
Biting back a sheepish grin, she pressed her forehead into my neck. “Sorry. I tried to think of a song and that’s all that came to mind. Whenever I hear it on the radio, it puts me in a better mood.”
“Stop being sorry, Yael.” Knuckle under her chin, I lifted her face. “Don’t be sorry.”
For a second, the earth stopped spinning. Her wide eyes connected with mine. We were close, and it was like we both realized just how close at the same time. I steeled myself for her to leap off my lap and put the usual distance between us, but she did the opposite.
Yael’s lips brushed against mine, then pressed firmer. I was paralyzed, too shocked to know what to do. Her hands cupped my cheeks, and she kissed me, soft, closed-mouth, but as sweet as could be. She even sighed when she pulled away, her breath warm and soothing.
“Alex...I’m sorry…”
“No way. You’re not apologizing for that.” Finally, I moved, holding her head in my hands and bringing her mouth back to mine. When our lips touched again, it was with decisive movements, tasting and feeling each other. She melted into me, touching my face and hair, making little, delicate sounds as my tongue slid into her mouth.
I couldn’t even think. This had to be a dream, even though nothing had ever felt more real.
She rearranged herself so her knees were on either side of my legs and our chests pressed together. My hands traveled from her waist to her backside, barely touching her until she arched back, filling my palms.
Soon, kissing turned to fumbling, rushing to unbutton pants and discard fabric. Yael shoved my pants and underwear down, and I let her. I just let her. She knew what she was doing, and I was wholly inexperienced in this arena.
I hadn’t exactly been saving myself, then again, I’d gotten close to having sex a few times and never followed through.
Tonight, I was caught up, both in the woman and the feelings I was very nearly drowning in. Yael was my life raft, and I clung to her, to her body and lips, drifting away.
“Alex...I want you to be happy.” She held me in her hand, sliding up and down my length. “I want this so much.” She lifted up on her knees, then lowered herself onto me, taking me inside her. The noises she made as I filled her fucked with my head so much, I came close to coming before she was fully seated on me.
I was inside her.