Small hands were folded in her lap, over the soft pudge in her middle. Each of her nails was a different color. Her legs were short, and the couch was deep, so her feet didn’t touch the ground. Her feet were small too. Encased in black ballet flats with little bows in the front, pale skin lined with blue veins peeked from the top. I wondered if her toenails were rainbow too.
She held still, barely breathing. Her breasts rose and fell with shallow breaths, and I got caught there. They were full, softly round, and flaring out to the sides. Much more than a handful, even with how big my hands were.
Those snakes writhed, and I pressed on my stomach, ready to set fire to the pit to end this silent war.
The song cut out. Her hands splayed on her thighs, fingertips digging in. Everyone turned to her, including me, even though I knew she had to hate it. I would have.
Her mouth trembled. “I liked it.”
Iris pushed the bags of food aside and perched in front of her on the coffee table, narrowing her eyes. “But did you love it? Did you feel like it was missing something? Missing everything? Would you want to hear it again?”
“I don’t know.” Hair tuck. Lip bite. Cheeks flame.“The chorus was...well, the chorus is the part I always remember, you know? Even when I can’t remember the rest of the words. And this one…um…”
Iris propped her chin on her fist and smiled at the girl. “It wasn’t memorable, was it, honey bunny? You’re right. God, you’re absolutely right.”
“I’m not an expert. Don’t...don’t take my opinion for more than it’s worth. That was just my first thought, so…” she trailed off, glancing toward the door.
Adam laid his big hand on her shoulder. “You did good, Wren. So good. Now we have a direction. We can fix something if we know it’s not working. Honestly, I was ready to scrap the whole fucking thing.”
“Don’t do that,” she rushed out.
Iris laughed. “We won’t. Adam’s just a drama queen. It’s been a rough day. We’re all about ready to set fire to the studio and walk away.” She eyed me. “Except Callie. He’s as cool as a cucumber while the rest of us are losing our minds.”
Wren gave her a wobbly smile. “I’m glad I could help even though I don’t feel like I did anything.” She scooted forward. “I need to go, so, if that’s it…?”
Iris let her by after a profuse thank you, and Wren headed for the door. Adam followed her into the hall. I watched. He was going to try to talk her into the party. After I told him not to. After I said I didn’t want her there. After seeing how uncomfortable she was in this room of a few strangers. He wanted what he wanted, reality and consequences be damned.
Anything they were saying to each other was lost on the other side of the soundproof door and walls. The room was filled with bags crinkling, tearing plastic, squeaking Styrofoam, crunching, chewing, swallowing. Dinnertime.
Adam ducked back into the room. Not smiling, but not frowning either. He grabbed dinner and didn’t look my way. That was fine. As long as she hadn’t said yes, all was well and we didn’t have to talk about it.
Four and a half years ago
Dear Callum,
What was your first kiss like? Now that I’m 18, I feel like we can talk about these things.
I don’t know if I want to wait on my shadow. First of all, I’m not sure that’s ever going to happen. Secondly, shouldn’t I be experienced so I can kiss him right if the time ever comes?
On that note, I bought a prom dress. I still want to die when I think about going alone, but I’ve missed out on so many things because I’m afraid. This is my only chance to go to prom. So I’m going. I’m not shrinking. Are you proud of me?
Holy granola, a farm! A Southern accent! Oh, that’s perfect.
I’m a Jersey girl, so yeah, I have an accent. I’m sure it’s not as pretty as yours.
Where are you now?
Your brave boss babe,
Birdie
Little Bird,
My first kiss was in a dark movie theater. A friend of a friend decided she wanted to kiss me, so she did. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t want it.
When your shadow finds you, you’ll be perfect for him. He won’t mind if your lips are unsure. So don’t waste it, Little Bird. Trust me.
I am proud of you. It’s hard not to shrink, just like it's hard not to disappear.