Rodrigo rocked on his heels. “We’ve never let you down, baby girl.”
“I know. I trust you guys, but it worries me when I feel like you’re not as committed to this band as I am.”
Because I would never go back. Never be crushed by a controlling fist again. That fear kept me awake some nights when we had a bad rehearsal or got into a little fight. It didn’t come from a place of logic. I had money and had made a name for myself. My career wouldn’t be over if something went wrong with TSC. But fear wasn’t rational, and I didn’t want to do this thing without my three boys.
Roddy pulled me into his arms, shushing my worries away. Adam came up behind me a few seconds later and wrapped his long arms around us both, squishing me in the middle.
“Sorry for cussing at you,” he murmured. “I’m a jackass.”
“I forgive you.” Over Roddy’s shoulder, Ronan observed the three of us with an impenetrable expression. He wasn’t allowing me to see how he felt about me being in their arms, but I knew he feltsomething, and he was holding himself back from expressing it.
After all, he was only my bodyguard and I was his assignment.
He followed us to the stage, his presence singeing my back with a constant warmth. Before I stepped out into the lights, I grabbed his hand.
“Take care of June for me.” My sister stood partially behind Ronan, chewing on her bottom lip. He nodded once, then turned to the side and guided June in front of him. He made sure not to touch her, not that I would have minded, but he must have sensed she wouldn’t have been comfortable.
“Of course,” he promised, and I believed him fully.
With my band around me and my sister and the ever-watching man behind me, I took a deep breath and stepped out into the spotlight, claiming the stage as my own.
When the four of us were on our game, we made magic. It sizzled along my skin and flooded my blood. Adam’s fingers were steady and sure on his guitar, and Rodrigo’s beats shot straight to my heart. My voice came out true and clear, emotion rattling each lyric.
Callum walked up to me, clutching his bass like a weapon to battle back the world. We locked gazes, and I sang to him while he played for me. Since we were playing an awards show, we didn’t have the normal buzz of the audience to feed off of, so we fed from each other. Callum’s rhythm sank into my bones, and I wailed the sorrowful lyrics into the air.
He dropped to his knees, bowing back, his fingers dancing over the strings of his instrument. Widening my stance, I stood over him, pressing back with another wail, this one filled with power. His eyes were squeezed shut, but his grin was wide open.
My heart was so fucking full. This was freedom, my reason for pushing and pushing even when my boys wanted to rest. I swept my gaze around the stage. Adam was watching Callum and me, a playful smirk on his lips, and Rodrigo’s head banged as hard as his arms. They were in the same heaven I was.
Then my eyes clashed with a storm just off stage. Ronan was unblinking, focused on me, on where I stood over Callum, my heaving tits, the sheen of sweat glistening on my skin. My lips curved around the lyrics flowing off my tongue, and I held up one finger. I couldn’t quite make out his expression, but his arm bent and he tapped his blood-red tie with his index finger, sending a surge of pure, unadulterated pleasure through my bones.
I threw my head back and reached for the sky, giving one final, earth-shattering scream to the music gods. Ronan had asked if the sacrifices had been worth it. When my chest heaved and my blood thrummed with adrenaline, I could say with complete honesty I would have sacrificed a whole lot more to get here. Not under the spotlight, but to a stage with my friends who were more like brothers, in front of an audience who lapped up our sound like kittens and cream.
Off stage, June hugged me and bounced in my arms. We walked back to the dressing room together, but at the door, Ronan caught my elbow, stopping me. I waved my sister on and turned back to face him.
He cupped my cheek for a breath, then dropped his hand into his pocket. “I get it.”
Warmth flooded my chest. “I’m glad.” I stepped into his space and brushed my lips across his chin. “I’mreallyglad you’re here.”
He peered down at me, at my lips, then my eyes. “There is nowhere else in the world I'd rather be.”
As I turned to head into the dressing room with everyone else, I made eye contact with a woman peeking out of a door down the hall. Her big eyes were dark and a little sad. I offered her a smile, recognizing her as Olivia…something. I couldn’t remember her last name, but she was thenext big thingin pop music. She disappeared back behind the door, and Ronan’s hand landed on my back, ushering me into my own dressing room.
The boys were throwing back shots, and Roddy was pressing one into June’s hand. The spark I’d been searching for in rehearsal had finally caught. I felt it, hot in my belly, pushing me, always pushing me.
For now, I let it push me toward my band. Adam handed me a shot, and I clinked it against his. “To my favorite people in the whole goddamn world.”
Adam held up his shot glass. “Cheers, bitches!”
I touched June’s face in the dark. “Did you have fun on this trip?” I whispered.
She nestled into her pillow. “Mmhmm. I’m almost beginning to feel like I won’t die around the band. Well, except Callum. I think he’ll always make me nervous.”
Grinning, I tucked my hands under my head. “He has that way about him. I’d say he’s harmless, but I’m not so sure.”
We’d gone out to dinner after the awards show. When the rest of us had come back to the hotel, Adam and Callum had ventured off to a fetish club. I’d seen Adam’s collection of ball gags, and once was enough. I didn’t want to know anything more specific about either of their kinks.
June and I were sharing a room inside a two-bedroom suite. Ronan had taken the other bedroom. I was sort of hoping to sneak into his bed later, when my sister fell asleep, but there was no rush. We didn’t get to spend time like this anymore.