"I guess. I'm tired, Mama."
"I know, sweetie. Why don't you close your eyes?" she suggested. He leaned against the side of his car seat. She had the idea it was going to take him a long time to settle down.
"Are they always going to be our family?" he asked.
She wondered at that. But she knew Jake well enough to know that he wasn't going to let Peter out of his life now that he'd found him. "They'll always be your family, kiddo."
"What about you?" he asked. He reached for her hand and she gave it to him. He tucked it between his face and the car seat, leaning on her hand.
Though the angle was awkward, she didn't pull her hand back. She loved these moments when he just needed to be touching her. "What about me?"
"Aren't they your family?" he asked. Family. It was the one thing that had always eluded her. She'd created her own little safe unit with Peter, but anything larger scared her. "I guess so. When your daddy and I get married, they will be my family, too."
"What's married?" Peter asked as Jake opened the door and climbed behind the wheel.
"I'll explain more in the morning."
"Okay, Mama."
* * *
"You want to climb up front with me?" Jake asked.
"Sure," she said. She leaned over and kissed Peter whose eyes were finally beginning to droop. She got out of the car and moved to the front seat.
As she closed the passenger door, she heard Peter's sleepy voice. "Thanks, Daddy."
"What for?"
"For my family."
Larissa felt a pain deep in her heart. Of all the gifts that Jake had given Peter, he wasn't impressed with the money he'd spent at the toy store. He'd been impressed by the one thing she'd never been able to give him. And it hurt to realize that she'd been depriving him of it all along because of her own fears.
"You're welcome, buddy," Jake said, his voice low and husky. He reached into the back seat and ruffled Peter's hair.
They started the car and drove back toward Savannah in silence. Larissa's thoughts troubled her. She'd never thought of herself as selfish, never realized that she'd put her needs in front of her son's. She never acknowledged that the fear she'd always secretly harbored had driven her to isolate herself from others.
"I know this is kind of rushed, but I promise we'll have a nice wedding."
She knew Jake was trying to ease her mind. But she was having a hard time acknowledging her past behavior and dealing with the guilt it now caused her. "I'm sure whatever you decided on will be fine."
He turned to look at her, his features stark in the dashboard lights. "I want it to be better than fine, Larissa."
She hugged herself, feeling more vulnerable than ever, even more so than when she'd given birth to Peter alone in the hospital. "I'm not sure I deserve that."
"Why not?" he asked. He'd turned his attention back to the road and she was glad. She didn't want him to look at her.
"I just suddenly feel very selfish."
He didn't say anything, and she waited until they'd driven at least a mile before she spoke again. "I've been so afraid of getting hurt that I didn't think of Peter."
"You said it earlier—he's not neglected."
"Who's to say what constitutes neglect? I'd never realized how my own fears were shaping him. He really took to your mom."
"Yes, he did. She took to him, too. She offered to watch him when we go to Vegas," Jake said.
"I'm sure he'd love that."
"Good. That's settled." He reached across the seat and took her hand, holding it in his for a minute before placing it on his thigh. She felt reassured in ways she shouldn't because she'd promised herself that she wouldn't let herself care for Jake.
It was more important than ever that she make this marriage work. If she didn't, then they'd all end up hurt. And she wasn't going to be responsible for causing the men she loved any more pain.
* * *
It was midnight a week later and Jake was wide-awake. So he got out of his bed and wandered down the hall to the kitchen. He tried to pretend it was family concerns that disturbed him. Wes had been out at Crofthaven all week trying to stop a computer virus that Uncle Abe had downloaded with his e-mail. His father hadn't called once but Jake knew the old man was disappointed. His mom had dropped by twice and Larissa had disappeared each time.
Too much had happened lately. It wasn't every day that he found out he had a son. And that was partly the reason for his restlessness. But he knew the true reason was the sweet blonde sleeping in the room next to his.
Larissa was more of a woman than he remembered. It wasn't as if he'd forgotten her in the almost four years since he'd last seen her. She'd always elicited a blend of bittersweet memories. He'd thought he'd scared her away that long-ago night with his lovemaking. Larissa had always been so innocent—having a one-night stand would have been enough to scare her.