“You sure you don’twant me to go with you?” Hillary asked for the fifth time. Her teeth nibbled on the center portion of her bottom lip, and I could sense her anxiety.
“I’m okay, I promise.”
“I don’t like this, babe. It’s too risky.”
I pulled her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her slender shoulders. “I’ve got this. Really. It’s only a few days. What can go wrong? Besides, I need this closure, Hills,” I reminded her, ignoring the way my voice cracked with her nickname.
“I get that, Tawni.” She leaned back, flashing a tear-filled smile. “Don’t tempt fate, okay? If things don’t feel right, don’t go through with it.”
“It’s my responsibility. I failed Katya. I can’t fail her child too.”
Hillary’s lips pressed into a thin line as she shook her head. “You’re blaming yourself. It’s not your fault that she’s dead.”
“But I had a chance to help, and I didn’t react fast enough. She’s dead because I wasn’t brave enough to face the men that took her. I should have involved the police sooner. I should have stormed that building and––”
“No,” she interrupted, cutting me off. “You don’t know what would have happened. It wasn’t wrong to be cautious. Your life is important too, Tawni.”
Sighing, I couldn’t help feeling that she was wrong. I didn’t do enough. No one would ever be able to convince me otherwise. “I need to get on the road, or I won’t have time for the cemetery.”
Her expression softened as Hillary reached for my hand and squeezed. “How many years has it been?”
“Seventeen,” I whispered, swallowing hard as images from the past threatened to surface and wreak havoc on my present. “Sixteen since I visited Jasper’s grave.”
“That’s a long time to mourn,” she observed. “Have you told Zane where you’re going?”
“He knows about his father’s death. I’ve always been honest about what happened. You know that. I think it’s time he visited Jasper’s grave and got closure too.”
“Right,” she agreed softly. “He’s been a bit moody lately. Might be good for him.”
Snorting, I couldn’t help the small laugh that tumbled from my lips. “Moody? That doesn’t cover the half of it.” My shoulders drooped a little. “No one ever told me how hard it was going to be to raise a child on my own.”
“I know, babe. You did your best. He’s a good kid.”
I liked to think so. Didn’t change the fact that I brought a child into this world alone, and because of that, he had grown up with a hard life.
My salary as a social worker took care of us, but we didn’t have money for extras. There wasn’t child support or any help. I refused to stay on public assistance for long. I used what I needed when times were particularly tight, like when I was in college for my degree. Once I started earning a decent wage, something was liberating about providing for the two of us on my own.
“I’ll call you once I’m in Tonopah.”
“You better. I’ll have a shit fit if I don’t hear from you. Might make my blonde hair turn gray with worry.”
“Like you wouldn’t color it,” I teased.
“Totally. Not the point, though.” She gave me a half-smile. “Drive safe.”
“I will.”
Picking up my keys and purse, I headed toward the exit. There was just one stop to make since I’d already packed this morning before I left the house. Zane’s bags were tossed in the back of my Civic with my own. I let him stay home from school since I only worked a couple of hours before we left Vegas.
I called him once I was in the car and on the way, hoping he was awake and ready.
His groggy voice answered on the fourth ring. “Hey, mom.”
“Tell me you aren’t still in bed,” I responded, giving him the tone that he referred to as the “mom voice.”
His laughter flowed through the speakers of my car. One thing I loved about modern technology was hands-free driving. “Of course. You’re too easy.”
Shaking my head, I couldn’t resist a smile. “Did you eat? I left the last two waffles for you.”