"And?"
I look at the other man testily. "And what?"
Julian's eyes bore into mine. "You obviously didn't tell her the most important bit."
"I don't owe her anything—-"
"But you also knew she might not look at you the same way again if you told her you were engaged."
"I'm fucking betrothed, not engaged."
"That's the same thing—-"
"It isn't, dammit. Engagement is a personal choice, and my betrothal..."
"Go on," Julian taunts. "What's the difference then?"
Fuck.
FUCK.
FUCK.
My fucking betrothal is what it means to choose duty over personal interests, but it's also God giving me a dose of my own fucking medicine, for all the times I've given my soldiers hell when they were struggling to make the right choice.
"Why don't you just end it?" Julian asks quietly.
"Which one?" I ask bitterly. "My obsession with her, which has no cure? Or my betrothal, which is key to ensuring Huzna's ability to protect itself in future wars?"
"You're the only one who can answer that. But if you marry someone you don't love," my friend warns, "you could end up breaking another girl's heart."
****
JULIAN DRIVES US TOParadijs when our stalking session concludes at the sight of her leaving the cafe and cycling away.
I miss her, dammit.
But this just has to be a fucking obsession, and nothing else.
Fleur meets with us at the lobby, and Julian's wife insists I join them for lunch at the club. Most people underestimate Fleur because of her reputation for being a social butterfly, but she's long mastered the art of using this misconception to her advantage.
She's extremely good at charming information out of people, and even though I'm already on my guard, I somehow still end up telling her everything.
Dammit.
"I'm so sorry you're faced with a choice like this," Fleur says. "But if it means anything, I have this friend who married a guy knowing that he still loved someone else. Long story short, he realized that he no longer loved the other woman, so..."
"You believe I may eventually feel the same way for my betrothed."
"It's a possibility at least, don't you think?"
"He wouldn't know how to answer that," Julian drawls, "since he hasn't met her."
Fleur's eyes widen. "Seriously?"
"I've been...busy," I say stiffly.
"You can't have been too busy," Julian points out, "since you also managed to 'obsess' over another girl in your spare time."