Chapter Fourteen
Mar worked long hours the next few days, trying to push away all the confusion and angst of missing Luke; she couldn’t be his focus right now. She wondered if he’d call or text or FaceTime her, but he didn’t, and it hurt and scared her. She recognized that she was the one who’d chosen to leave, but it felt like he’d given up on her. He’d promised to come once everything was resolved. Would he really? How long was it going to take? Would he have a sweet daughter in tow? Mar would be thrilled for him if he could work things out with Lacey and Tracey, but she had an uneasy feeling inside, as if she should warn, strengthen, and comfort Luke. It wasn’t really her place. They’d decided they were dating but they weren’t engaged or married. She needed to temper her usual strong responses, be chill, be patient. She hated patience.
Friday afternoon, she left work early and walked through the Presidio for hours, trying to work things out in her mind, but nothing was settling. Today she’d dressed down at work and worn a long-sleeve T-shirt, yoga pants, and running shoes. She’d gotten a few stunned looks, but no one commented. It was freeing to not wear her spike heels and be able to go on a long walk in comfortable tennis shoes. That was all because of Luke explaining that she was beautiful even without being dolled up. Not that she still wasn’t dolled up ninety percent of the time, but every once in a while, it was nice to be casual.
It was a chilly summer afternoon in San Francisco, but the fog hadn’t rolled in yet. The sky was a brilliant blue, and the ocean and wind were semi-calm. She turned to head home, not sure what she’d do tonight by herself. She was only certain that she hated being alone, and she didn’t see any end in sight.
Those few days spent with Luke, Isaac, and Cosette, and then the two spent alone with Luke, were some of the best of her life. She’d felt like she was truly loved. Luke had never said he’d loved her, but she’d still felt that way. Yet she could never begrudge his daughter, and she just prayed that everything was working out well and Luke was getting to know that beautiful child. Her gut wrenched as she thought about Lacey’s equally beautiful mother. Luke had fancied himself in love with her back in high school. What if those feelings returned? Oh goodness, how she hated her mind wandering there. As if she didn’t have enough worries about her and Luke ever getting together.
She was approaching her house, thinking of the takeout she might order and the romance novel she might read tonight, when she saw someone sitting on her porch. She reared back. There were a lot of homeless in San Francisco, and sadly, many of them were drugged, drunk, or mentally unstable, but they didn’t usually come to her neighborhood and she’d never had one set up camp on her porch.
Yet as she peered closer, she saw that the man was dressed in a shirt and tie and his golden-brown hair looked familiar. “Luke!” she screamed, rushing toward him.
Luke stood quickly and hurried her way with a wide grin. When they met, he swept her off her feet and swung her around. Mar clung to his neck, savoring the smell of her and Cosette’s Businessman cologne. He was here. What did it mean? She wanted to hear everything about his daughter and even though Mar had so many doubts and fears, she hoped she could somehow overcome them all and fit into Luke and Lacey’s future plans.
Luke set her on her feet and kissed her, softly at first, but then their need for each other and the days apart that felt like months fueled their desperation. She found herself clinging to him, and each kiss became more needy and deep.
When Mar had to pull back for breath, she stared up into his incredible blue eyes. “Are you okay? What happened? How’s Lacey? Is she with you?”
Luke chuckled, but his blue eyes sobered. He released her but took her hand. “Is there a place we can sit and talk?”
“Of course. My rooftop garden is beautiful.” She led him to her house and up all the stairs. They didn’t talk as they walked, and she was getting nervous. What had happened that was so serious he couldn’t just tell her? He wouldn’t kiss her like that if he didn’t want to be with her. Right?
They settled onto an outdoor couch amidst her wild roses, orchids, lilies, and fragrant sweet alyssum. Mar tucked her feet under her and turned to Luke, anxious to have him spill the story so she could ask a myriad of questions. If her dreams came true, he’d assure her that he wanted to be with her and with his help she could finally bury all her issues and love him.
His eyes traveled over her. “You look amazing in yoga pants and a T-shirt,” he said in a gravelly voice that pulsed through her.
She wanted to kiss him as desperately as she had on the quiet street outside her house. “Thank you. Thanks for giving me the confidence to not ‘doll up’ all the time.”
He smiled softly, tucking her hair behind her shoulder. “I’m sure you usually still doll up anyway.”
“You know me well.”
“I hope so.”
Mar wanted him to know her even better, but she had to hear the story. Extending her hand, she asked, “Can you tell me what’s going on?”
Luke took her hand, the light in his blue eyes dimming. “Long story short, Lacey isn’t my daughter.”
“Oh, Luke.” She squeezed his hand, feeling bad for him and let down herself. That little girl had seemed so angelic and sweet she’d fancied herself being there for Lacey and maybe even being a stepmom and raising and loving her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. It was hard for me. I really wanted to be her dad.” He smiled sadly.
“I can’t imagine how hard that would be. You would be an amazing dad.”
“Thanks.”
Mar let some time pass and then found she couldn’t resist. “So …” Maybe she shouldn’t ask, but … “What was Tracey’s deal?” Her instincts about Tracey had been dead-on. Even though she’d seemed so kind, the woman had tried to manipulate Luke, probably because she knew what a good person he was.
“She actually thought Lacey could be mine, she’d recently divorced her real father, and honestly, she needed the money.” His gaze lowered. “When her friend saw me at the restaurant, Tracey was at a low spot—no job, money, or prospects, and not wanting to leave Lacey to provide for them. She thought it was a sign that I’d show up at that moment. She wanted Lacey to have a good male influence in her life since Mike, her real dad, is pretty volatile. Tracey slept with both Mike and me close to the same time and had never told him that. She had a hope that Lacey really was mine.”
He stopped talking and just studied his hands.
Mar leaned into his side and wrapped her arms around him. Luke returned the favor, sliding his arms around her waist and pulling her close. It felt so right to be close. She loved him, but now wasn’t the moment to tell him.
He spoke against her hair. “I feel bad for Tracey, and honestly, I wished Lacey was mine, but she’s not. I gave Tracey ten grand and hired a highly-recommended nanny for Lacey while Tracey goes to work, on the promise that she wouldn’t go back to Mike and he would only get supervised visitation when he’s released. She readily agreed; she truly loves her daughter and wants to protect her and raise her up right. I also set up a college fund for Lacey that Tracey and Mike can’t touch.”
Mar smiled. “You’re such a good person, Luke.”