Chapter Eleven
Joshua paced the small suite. What was he doing? What was Jade doing to him? He couldn’t get over the incredible feeling of her soft lips on his cheeks, his chin, his neck. He groaned and pushed a hand through his hair. When she’d touched her tongue to his pulse point, he’d about come unglued. It took every ounce of self-control he’d gained in his life to not pin her to that door and kiss her until somebody came by to embarrass them apart.
He wanted her. If he could admit it to himself, he loved her. Sadly, he had no answers to what to do about the embezzling. The investigators were all in agreement that everyone, besides Jade, was clean. Could that incredible woman be lying to him? He pushed a hand at his hair. His own lies were also piling up and she would probably never forgive him. He hated himself for not being able to trust Jade, and even more for lying to her. She’d told him about her blog. She wasn’t hiding it. He still didn’t like it, but what did he care about being exposed to the world if he could be with Jade.
He looked longingly to the deck. Would she be out there? Would she want his advice? Would she hate him when she found out he was Joshua, Jesse, and Priest? Probably. He pushed at his hair again. And strode determinedly to the balcony. Pushing the door open, the warm Caribbean air filtered into the air-conditioned suite.
He stepped out and immediately saw her beautiful shadow through the fogged glass. What if he climbed around that barrier, grabbed her, and kissed her? He might risk plunging to his death. He’d heard if the fall didn’t kill you, the ship’s engines would suck you under and finish the job. That was a morbid thought but he might risk it to be close to Jade. Yet as feisty as she was, all the truth he needed to reveal to her wouldn’t end well. Why hadn’t he simply told her the truth at the first of the week and dealt with it then? Maybe he should’ve but he’d had no reason to trust the woman everyone thought was embezzling who also had a celebrity blog. Yet now … He had no clue how to fix any of this.
“Hey, Priest,” she said before he even reached the railing.
“Hey,” he said gruffly. “How was your day?”
“Amazing … and confusing. You?”
“Kind of the same actually.” He’d enjoyed these conversations as her “priest” but now he was second-guessing everything he was doing. Why couldn’t he just tell her who he was? At the first of the week he hadn’t trusted her, had wanted to expose her as the thief, and if he’d told her he was Joshua Jewel she would’ve ripped his head off and never come out on her balcony. He really wanted to talk to her, to hear how she felt about Joshua and Jesse. To see if his dreams might come true tomorrow and she might finally kiss him. Could he tell her then? Otherwise Sunday as Jesse was going to be a fireworks show, and he might lose her forever.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked.
He laughed shortly. “That’s not the way it works, remember. I’m the priest? You’re at confessional.”
She laughed so adorably. He was going out of his mind. Did she have any clue how appealing she was to him?
“So tell me all, my child,” he tried to keep up the façade.
“You know too much as it is.”
“Don’t worry. I’m under oath not to share.”
“Good point.” She laughed again but then she sobered and said, “I think I’m falling in love with Joshua.”
He wanted to punch a fist in the air and cheer but he refrained. “I wondered.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Just the way you’ve been talking about him, and as much time as you spend together.”
“He’s amazing.”
His chest seemed to swell. He gripped the railing so he didn’t swing around to her balcony. It couldn’t be too hard to accomplish, could it? He looked down at the water swirling below them. The consequence of failure was pretty steep. He’d probably do better to just knock on her door. Instead of doing either he stayed planted where he was. If only he could get her to kiss him. He still wasn’t excited about sharing himself with the world on her blog, and he still had no clue who was stealing his money, but kissing her was at the top of his priority list right now.
“So you’re going to go for Joshua?” he asked, praying, hoping.
She hesitated and he felt like his future happiness rested on her answer. “I still can’t put Jesse completely from my mind. I feel like I’ve almost forgotten him but he was incredible too.”
Definitely not what he wanted to hear. His hopes sank, which was weird as he was Jesse. He cleared his throat and said, “A little odd though with the always wearing the hat and sunglasses.”
“True,” she admitted. “For a little while, I really thought Joshua and Jesse were the same person. Wouldn’t that be ideal?”
Joshua’s hopes ratcheted up again. Maybe she did want him, all of him. Maybe she would forgive him for the duplicity. He wouldn’t ever have to tell her that he was Priest. No. He had to tell her. Before this week he’d always thought he had integrity and was honest, even when it was tough in huge business deals. It seemed Jade could bring out the worst, and best in him. Should he tell her right now?
He had to ask first. “So you wouldn’t be annoyed with both of them, or I guess just him, if there’s some crazy way it is one dude, for hiding it from you?” He didn’t dare say “lie” and plant that seed.
“There is that. I think I’m a pretty forgiving person but my parents were pathological liars. I hate lying more than I hate the Raiders.”
His stomach dropped. She’d gone straight to lying. He was in trouble. Oh, he was in trouble. Maybe tonight was not his night to reveal the truth. Yet putting it off wasn’t doing him any favors. “Why do you hate the Raiders?” he asked, trying to deflect and give himself time to think.
“C’mon. I’m a Broncos fan, of course. And who in their right mind likes the Raiders?”