Shaundra couldn’t hold back a cry of anguish. She hated to think of that ‘D’ word. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that? Do you think I haven’t lain in bed night after night, with my son in his crib beside me, wondering if I shouldn’t just cut my losses? If only I could shake that niggling sense of hope—”
“Hope exists in fairy tales and love songs. This is reality—”
Jacyn hopped to her feet, brushing down non-existent crumbs from the front of her skirt. “Why don’t we get started on dinner? I know I’m hungry!”
Shaundra was pretty sure her friend’s primary motive was diverting them from that devastating conversation, so she allowed it without a murmur. All three of them got up and traipsed into the well-appointed dining room, where the housekeeper had already set the meal out on chafing dishes.
They’d barely begun serving themselves when they heard the sound of the front door. Jacyn leaped up, her face bursting into smiles. “That must be Alex and the baby!”
But before she could hurry to the door to meet her husband, his shadow fell on the doorway. He was holding a smiling toddler in his arms, her little face bright pink with telltale traces of cotton candy.
And then immediately, unerringly, Shaundra knew that Alex hadn’t come alone. Some superheroes had spider senses. She had a warning bell that clanged like Big Ben whenever a certain someone was around.
Nathanael walked in a step behind Alex.
Their eyes caught, and everyone froze. For a second, Shaundra felt as though even the curtains stopped fluttering, and the candles on the table stopped flickering.
She wanted to run, to escape, to die. As for Nathanael, he was frozen in place. And everyone else in the room was aware of their mutual discomfort.
How humiliating!
Jacyn smoothly got things going again, holding her arms out to take the toddler from her husband, but instead he kissed her lips and said, “It’s okay,ma puce.I’ll feed her.” He sat at the table, gesturing to everyone to do the same, as he filled a small platter with mashed potatoes and proceeded to feed his daughter.
Shaundra sat, and for a moment the discomfort of being at the same table as Nathanael once more paled by comparison to the overwhelming feeling of jealousy that swept over her, washing her away. Seeing a devoted father feeding his child. Holding her. Loving her.
Why couldn’t she have that?
Dinner proceeded around her in a haze, a blur of anguish. She was aware that Nathanael’s eyes never left her face. Was his expression mocking? Was it a taunting reminder of her wantonness towards him the last time they met?
She didn’t know, because she couldn’t bear to return his stare.
She barely ate—thinking ironically that Nathanael was perfect for her effort to lose those post-baby pounds. Whenever he showed up, she lost her appetite.
She knew the others were chatting around her, and knew that for the most part, her responses were appropriate, but there was no engagement. Her delight at being among her girlfriends again was soured thanks to the looming presence that filled the room.
Damn him.
Even before dessert she got to her feet, murmuring something about having to get home to relieve Phylicia. Jacyn seemed to understand her true reason for leaving, and as they walked to the hallway, she pulled her into her arms. “It’s going to be okay. You’ll be fine. I’m always here for you.”
Whatever else she was about to say, Shaundra would never know, because Nathanael was there, larger than life and twice as dynamic. He dominated everything with his mere presence.
Double damn him.
As Jacyn slipped away, Shaundra walked away without acknowledging the man she was married to.
She walked out the front door and into the cool night air. In the expansive front yard, she could see her car parked a short distance away. Immediately, the lights came on and the engine began to hum softly. Monty looked up from his sudoku and spotted her. He flickered his lights at her.
And yet, Nathanael followed her.
“I’ll take you home.”
That was so ridiculous, she almost laughed. “I have my car.”
“I’ll send Monty home.”
Shaundra laughed. “I asked him to wait for me. It’s his job.”
“And I pay his salary.”