The walls inside my chest begin to cave, the breathing becoming tighter and restrictive. How do you even explain to him the car accident that killed his biological mother? Or even the fact of his biological father not wanting to keep him? Oddly so, I’ve crossed paths with Stewart Knight and have a very low opinion of him. He knows Ashton is my grandson, though at least he’s smart enough to avoid me when we see each other.
I lean forward, staring into Ashton’s eyes while cupping his hand in mine. His hand is so small, and a part of me often wonders if this is what it would have felt like if our son had survived.
“Your other mommy was so special that God had plans for her. Sometimes, this happens,” I say softly. “But you know what? You are our first grandchild, and that’s just the way it was always meant to be.”
Ashton lets out a small yawn, then, briefly, a small smile on his tired face.
“I like being the first. Maybe I’m special too.”
Slowly, I lean in to kiss his forehead. “You’re very special. Now, it’s bedtime, kiddo.”
Ashton nods, then quickly tugs my sleeve. “Don’t forget we’re going to the park tomorrow for my soccer game.”
A small laugh leaves my lips. “You’re talking to an ex-soccer coach. I promise I will be here after work to take you and your brother.”
“I love you, Grandpapa.”
“Love you too, kiddo.”
Charlotte tucks him in before gently bringing the door to a close as I wait just outside the room. The welcoming silence is the sound of heaven until her hand reaches out for my own. With a heaviness upon us, we walk quietly to our master bedroom, which is only a few doors down.
Inside the room, we prepare for bed in silence, unsure how to navigate our thoughts from an innocent moment that came from our grandson. After a quick shower, brushing my teeth, and changing into my bed shorts, I climb into bed, staring at my wedding ring while waiting for Charlotte to return.
My phone beeps on the nightstand beside m. It's nothing unusual, most likely work which for now can be ignored. There are other things on my mind and maybe other things I need to get off my chest.
Charlotte walks back into the bedroom dressed in her silk white pajamas’ and then climbs into bed. Immediately, the fresh scent of soap engulfs the air between us.
“I have to admit, Ashton caught me off guard tonight,” I say quietly, unsure how to articulate my thoughts.
“Well, I guess it was bound to come up. I know Will and Amelia have always wanted to be open with Ashton.” Charlotte’s chest rises, then falls with a sigh escaping her. “They want him to know where he came from. I've seen this a lot, of course. It's one of those things which you've just got to somehow navigate through as a family.”
“I understand, but don’t you think he’s too young?”
“Yes, no,” Charlotte murmurs while toying with the edge of the bedsheet. “There's never a right answer, nor is there a predicted outcome. Some children ask questions out of curiosity, and nothing changes in their lives. Then others ask the questions, and it changes everything.”
When it comes to family matters such as this, Charlotte is the expert. Over her career, she’s handled many family law cases. Some, with a positive outcome, and others, where she came home defeated because some deadbeat dad was awarded custody of his children.
Charlotte continues, “Some parents choose to hide the fact that their child is adopted or fostered, and you know, all of these things really shouldn't matter if you have the love of a parent and a family. But… I’ve never been in either situation myself, so maybe I would feel differently being on either end.”
My hand moves on top of hers, caressing it gently. We’ve been blessed with our family, which I’m grateful for daily. As for Will and Amelia, Ashton was always meant to be in their lives. They made a big decision, one our whole family is eternally grateful for.
“I can’t imagine our lives without him,” I say honestly.
“I think it's a positive thing Ashton is asking these questions early, but it’s hard. He's our grandson. I don’t want to say the wrong things and upset Will and Amelia.”
“He is our grandson,” I repeat. “Maybe that's why this feels harder.”
Charlotte turns to face me, sensing my vulnerability. “Is there something you’re afraid of? We won’t lose him. I promise you Stewart has no parental rights to take his son back.”
“If I'm being honest here, resentment maybe when he's older.”
“You know that will never happen. Will and Amelia are amazing parents. Ashton is blessed to have them as they are blessed to have him. He has a supportive family, plus he has brothers and cousins, aunts and uncles. To add, he has us.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “You forgot about Rocky and Nikki.”
A sly smile plays on Charlotte's lips. “The jury is still out if Rocky’s a good influence on Ashton.”
“Will turned out pretty good,” I remind her.