It didn’t take me long to shower and change. I asked Theo to find Corey to get my clothes from yesterday, he told me that they had left not long after Colton. I wasn’t touching those clothes in the room, that seemed to be for me. I had my own clothes, clothes with no ties.
Theo drove me home, mostly in silence. I wasn’t sure if he just wasn’t talkative or if I was in the bad books with all of them. It seemed pretty clear that no one knew about Colton’s late-night visit. Theo pulled the car up just beside the alley to my apartment; he reached over and took my hand.
“You’ll be ok?”
“Of course, remind me not to drink anything other than water ever again,” I joked as I hopped out of the car. Theo laughed and then with a wink he drove off.
I trudged up my stairs somewhat dejectedly. Well that all went a bit wrong, I thought before immediately stopping at the top of the stairs. Colton was sitting there, leaning against my door whilst playing on his phone. He looked up at me as I stood there awkwardly. I realised that I would actually have to move, I started to walk forward again. He jumped up to his feet and dusted the back of his jeans off.
“To what do I owe the pleasure?” I muttered as I fished for my keys.
“Thought we should talk,” he replied easily as I opened the door and he followed me in. I shrugged as I walked into the apartment and led him through to my living room.
“Ok.” I nodded. I turned around to face him and he indicated that I should sit; the irony that this was my house was not lost on me. I sat down and looked at him expectantly.
“I apologise for last night Arielle.”Arielle, full names and everything. “I was unfair to you and my behaviour was unacceptable.” He smiled at me – a full force Colton Dawson smile. My heart was racing, so why did I feel so uneasy? “We need to put what happened at your mother’s funeral behind us. It was an error of judgement on both our parts.” Colton was pinning me in place with his stare, daring me to argue.
“An error in judgement,” I mumbled back.
He nodded; my words seemed to spur him on. “Yes, and then of course you ran…” He held his hand up as I went to interrupt. “I understand why. I mean it was just a very...extreme...time for everyone. However, you are here now. Connor and the guys are far happier than they have been in while. You were missed.”
Colton stood and walked over to the window. “We all missed you,” he said softly as he looked out the window. “It’s right that you are back here, back with us. We can’t be letting rash decisions affect the dynamics of our family, because wearea family Ari, we work together, all of us, we’re a unit. So…” He turned to me, the smile was back in place, “we’ll forget whatever we’ve been doing and go back to how things were, and everything will be more settled. Ok?”
I sat and stared at him. What was I supposed to say?Sure, let’s high five this shit and hug it out? No wait let’s not hug, we don’t hug, we’re aunit. I was conscious he was still waiting for me to respond.
I stood. “Sure, sounds best and like a good idea.” Could he tell I was lying? Did he know I was screaming inside and in serious danger of throat punching him? I quickly searched his face, he looked away quickly and swallowed hard.Yeah you totally know I am lying Colton Dawson. Why are you saying this when you don’t mean it any more than I do?
“Excellent.” He looked back at me, the mask back in place.Asshat. “Well I’ll leave you in peace. This was good, needed to be said.” With one more blisteringfakesmile, he was gone. Again.And they say I’m the one who runs. Ha!
I slumped back onto my couch. Well that was unexpected. I wasn’t completely on board with the new directive from on high, but it wasn’t just aboutme. The guys were myguys, I needed them, and they needed me. We were family, and yes, ok, I used to go out with one and was seriously hung up on another, but aside from those small tiny inconsequential details, they were mine...and I was theirs.
I knew I couldn’t go back to life without them; all of us together – that’s what worked. I just needed to accept that. Itwouldbe easier if we could eradicate the awkwardness and my pent-up burning desire –no stop thinking about desires. That only leads to awkwardness.I got to my feet. Ok, this was what we were doing. I could totally do this.How could he want to forget about that kiss though?
I needed to stop dwelling, I nodded affirmatively and then laughed; yeah, I wasgoingto be ok with this. Except – I knew more than ever, I didn’t want to be.
The following few days were quiet. I went to class and saw the guys at spare periods and lunchtimes. Colton was scarce but then he always had been. It seemed that the others had more campus presence and even though he wasn’t there he was always in our conversations or activities. Guys shouted out to Matt or Theo, “Where’s Cole?” and the guys would answer with some diatribe or anecdote.
No one seemed to ever want the actual truth; I would have probably found it peculiar if I wasn’t so grateful that he wasn’t there for me to worry about reacting to. I had needed the few days to be alright with what was happening. If I was honest with myself, I knew that I had actual feelings for Colton and wasn’t sure how I felt about the fact he was telling me to forget it. He definitely felt something for me. I knew it, didn’t I? However, I didn’t know what the alternative was. Was I toactuallythrow myself at him? That seemed like a bad idea and he had practically told me not to, hadn’t he? Plus, I wasn’t a hundred percent surehowto throw myself at someone – was it a skill you learned or just something you knew how to do? Because I seriously didn’t know how to do it.
In some ways, the days that he wasn’t here were a reprieve I needed and was grateful for. Theo, Matt and even Connor were enough and any lingering awkwardness from the weekend was forgotten after a few days. The main surprise was that I genuinely liked Corey – she was lovely, bright and bubbly – she suited Connor so well. I found myself enjoying her company and there was no awkwardness between us at all. There were days when it was really just me and Corey and I was ok with that.
She was doing an Art Practices degree. I don’t know why she wasn’t doing design of some sort – she looked like a goddess and she had a terrific eye for style. Very subtly she was slipping coloured scarves into my wardrobe, low cut tees or accessories I wouldn’t have picked myself. It was amazing how many times I came home with an ‘extra’ in my purse.
We were in the coffee shop mid-week when Robbie walked in. He saw both of us and I braced myself for the conversation.
“Arielle how are you. It’s been a few days.” He nodded at Corey who merely looked coolly back at him.
“I’ve been in class, have you been sitting elsewhere?” I asked. I was genuinely curious; I’d assumed he was avoiding me.
“Yeah, I’ve been there, one of the guys from my dorm swapped times and I was with him.”
I nodded and the uncomfortable silence that followed was long. “So, are you ok?” he asked.
“Yeah, all good.”
Corey looked up from her phone. “You ready Elle? Connor and Theo are waiting for us.” I nodded, and we started gathering up our things.
As we went to leave, Robbie grasped my arm. “You sure you are ok Elle? You’ve not been the same since those guys came around,” Robbie said to me quietly.