“She was really stressed out around that time.”
Probably because she found out she was pregnant. Nonny doesn’t know that though.
“She was gaining weight,” she adds. “She was angry all the time, and she told me I was being annoying. I apologized, but it only made her angrier.” She looks up at me earnestly. “I probably was annoying. I can ask a lot of questions and get nosy and stuff.”
Her defense of her sister shakes something inside me. “Then what happened?”
She shrugs. “I tried to stop being annoying. And she got better.”
The explanation breaks my heart. It’s not her fault, but she has no idea. And it’s not a story I can tell her either. It’s my wife’s to tell.
“She went to Europe later that summer, and it was good for her. She came back more relaxed and happy. She even lost the weight.” Nonny drops her gaze back to her hands again. “But I worry when I screw up or when she’s really upset. Our old apartment was sort of bad, but I liked it that there weren’t any steps inside. She probably doesn’t do it outside when somebody could see her. But here…” She takes a quick look at the steps leading to the master suite.
I put a hand over hers. “Nonny, it’s not your fault. And I’ll make sure to watch over your sister.” I force a reassuring smile for her benefit. “You trust me, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I do. It’s kinda weird.”
“So next time you’re worried, just let me know, okay?”
“Thanks, Elliot.” She throws herself at me, and my arms close around her slight frame. I feel like a total shit, especially for the utter trust she has in me. She has no idea how bad I am for her sister.
“All part of the service.” I pat her back. “Now why don’t you go back to your room and get some sleep?”
“Thanks.” She grabs her pillow and goes.
I sit there, elbows resting on my knees and face buried in my hands. No way I can sleep now. I feel so vile and shaken, I feel like I’m going to throw up if I see my wife now.
For the
first time in forever I hurt for a woman who’s in my life. She’s lost so much, but never given up. In the past two years she’s carried the burden of taking care of herself plus her teenage sister. I don’t know if I could’ve been that mature about it. When I was in my early twenties, I was too gleeful about the possibility of showing my father he had no hold over me to give a damn about anything or anyone. I worked hard and partied harder.
A stripper wife is supposed to be easy, fun and temporary. That’s why I wanted one in the first place. But my particular stripper is turning out to be anything but, and I don’t know how to handle her. I know I’m fucking everything up.
Selfish bastard. That’s what I am. And for the first time in my life, I hate it.
I don’t know how long I sit in the living room, staring at the staircase. I can almost imagine my wife as a teen, tumbling down the stairs, her unprotected body hitting each step, and my stomach roils. The soft light coming in from outside tells me it’s probably almost dawn. I have to fix this. I can’t keep doing what I’m doing and hurting her.
My phone vibrates on the coffee table where I left it last night. Elizabeth’s smiling face pops up on the screen. It’s got to be something important for her to call this early. “Hello, Elizabeth.”
“Oh good. You’re up.” Her voice is crisp.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Guilty conscience?”
“What?”
“I’ve been debating whether or not to tell you this. It’s really none of my business, and I don’t want to look like I’m ratting anyone out, but…”
“What is it? I won’t repeat it.”
“I slept on it. I really tried to view things from your perspective, but I just can’t. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman and more emotional about things like this.”
I sigh. “Spit it out.” It isn’t like my half-sister to go on and on before getting to the point. She knows I prefer straight shooting.
“You are the most insensitive uncouth barbarian ever.” She doesn’t speak loudly, but her voice doesn’t have its usual pliant softness.
I agree one hundred percent with her assessment, but I’m not sure she’s come to the conclusion for the same reasons I have. “Did I forget to send your foundation a check?” My assistant mails one every quarter. It’s for a good cause, and I enjoy supporting Elizabeth.