Natalie flushed. “Well…at least Ethan bought it.”
“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”
“It’s so sad to see you go like this. I thought he was crazy about you.”
“Well…it was going to end sooner or later.”
“Kerri…”
“I always thought I’d end up alone. Because, you know, you want your fiancé to meet your family and all, but that just wasn’t possible given my situation. I certainly didn’t think it’d be a good idea to start married life by lying, saying that I’m an orphan or something.” She laughed, the sound brittle even to her own ears. “Guess I’m more traditional than I thought. But now that Barron’s trying to make up for the past…I don’t know.” She shook her head. She wasn’t sure what she wanted. Her thoughts were too mixed, too confused. No, that wasn’t entirely true. She knew what she wanted: Ethan. But she didn’t know if she could have him. She didn’t think she could bear it if he turned away from her. “Ethan and I can’t just ignore everything and go back to what we used to be. We did and said too many things.”
Quietly, Natalie put an arm around Kerri’s shoulders.
“He’s really tight with his family, Natalie. And my relationship to Sterling & Wilson will create a rift between them, if not now, then eventually. And he’ll start to hate me.” Then there had been the fight, the ultimatum. That hurt the most, maybe because she hadn’t expected him to make their relationship conditional upon her doing what he wanted. She blinked away tears. “I don’t want to live my life trying to make up for the way I was born.” No, she refused to revert back to her old self, doing everything in her power to earn what crumbs of affection and acceptance she could manage from those who should’ve loved her as she was, without conditions. “Our affair started really suddenly, so it’s only fitting that it ends just as fast.” Even as she smiled at her friend, Kerri didn’t know how to stop her heart from breaking in the same abrupt manner.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
KERRI RETURNED TO THE PENTHOUSE. It was dark, and Ethan was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was being considerate, giving her time to pack in private. It wouldn’t take that long. She hadn’t bothered to unpack all her bags.
She folded her clothes and put them in her suitcases. Her hands and feet moved automatically, leaving her mind to wander.
The talk with Barron had left her surprised and a little dazed. She’d never expected him to ask her back into his life. A part of her wanted to take his words at face value, but another part of her recoiled from the idea. What if he wanted her back to fill the emptiness left by the loss of his two grandsons and now his daughter, not because he truly loved her the way a grandfather—a surrogate father, really—should?
Then there was Ethan.
It hurt to know he wanted out because she wanted to keep him separate from what was essentially a family issue. But then dating someone from a family as dysfunctional as hers might not have been the best thing for him anyway. Families could be big baggage in a relationship, and getting involved with hers wouldn’t be any kind of healthy. And there was his family, too. Obviously a lot of his relatives would feel they had reason to be wary of her because of who her grandfather was.
So damn frustrating. If only their families weren’t direct competitors and rivals, things could’ve been different. Their relationship would have been free to evolve, blossom into something else, something more than what they’d initially agreed to. Wouldn’t that have been grand?
Barron thought she still had one more chance with Ethan. But to take that chance, she’d have to leave herself exposed. Was it worth the risk?
She’d already said those fateful words to Ethan. I don’t love you. Was it too late to take them back? Would he believe her if she told him she’d lied?
Christ, Kerri, stop worrying about what everyone around you thinks and expects. What do you want?
Kerri paused. She didn’t know. No, that wasn’t quite true. She just never put her needs and wants above others’ because she always thought if she could be a little bit more like what people wanted of her, she would earn their approval, acceptance and—ultimately—love.
She heard keys jingle on the other side of the door. Sweat slickened her palms, turning them clammy.
Her heart hammered. Her initial plan to avoid being hurt by remaining detached hadn’t worked. Now her instinct was to run as far as she could to avoid whatever pain their confrontation might deliver.
She forced herself to be steady. No more running. She wasn’t an impulsive eighteen-year-old any longer, and couldn’t spend her entire life in flight.
She had to live the way she wanted.
The way she deserved.
If she had the guts to reach out and grab what she wanted without caring about others’ opinions of her… If Barron was right and she still had one more chance with Ethan…
She didn’t want to waste it by worrying about everyone else. She’d grab Ethan and never let him go.
Ethan walked into the penthouse, then into her bedroom. His shoulders were so straight and broad, his body tall and powerful, as he towered over her in a pristine white polo shirt and golf pants. What little courage she had shrank at his hard eyes and tight jaw.
Ethan gave her and the suitcases a quick once-over. “You can start unpacking now,” he said. His voice was unyielding and she couldn’t even begin to guess at his emotional state.
“Okay. I wasn’t really leaving anyway,” she said.
He cocked an eyebrow.