She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, I can’t? Just watch me. I don’t have a job or a family. The people I thought were my friends here are only out to use me. The man I thought I was in love with”—she stiffened as he inhaled sharply—“doesn’t trust me.”
Something was tearing inside her, but the pain drove her relentlessly to end it on her terms. She wouldn’t break down in front of him like last time and humiliate herself all over again. This time she would at least keep her dignity. “It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that I have nothing to hold me here.” She shrugged. “I want to start over. It’s as simple as that.” She turned her back to him and inserted the key into the lock.
“Natalie, I’m in love with you.”
That stole all the air out of her lungs. She gripped her key hard.
“Don’t,” she whispered.
Life kept chopping at her, and she was tired of standing on her own. She leaned slightly toward the door until her forehead rested against its cool wooden surface, but that wasn’t enough to stop her from trembling. Her heart hammered against her ribcage. “Just…don’t.”
He embraced her from behind. Despite all her resolve, she melted against him.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Let me make it up to you. Please.”
“I can’t start over with you,” she cried out and put a hand over her mouth. God, it hurt so much. If Alex hadn’t been holding her, she would’ve doubled over. “I can’t start over with you.” Tears pooled into the curves of her dark lenses.
She wrenched herself out of his embrace, pushed the door open, and stumbled inside, trying to get away. From him or from the weakness that threatened to make her beg him to stay with her, she didn’t know. She almost tripped over a box half-full of her things. Her sunglasses fell off, the tears that were in them making small dark spots on the carpet.
Alex followed her in and held her close, his arms going around her waist to steady her. She turned around and tried to push him away, but this time he was ready.
“Natalie…Natalie,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry. If I could undo it all, I would. Let me make it up to you.”
The kiss he gave her then was all she needed to release the pent-up emotions of the past ten days. She buried her face in his chest so he couldn’t see her tears and beat his shoulder with a tightly clenched fist. All the mixed-up feelings she’d had—the things she hadn’t been able to articulate, not even to herself—gushed out.
Alex didn’t try to defend himself. He held her tighter and let her pound on him until she went limp.
Then he carried her into the bedroom and worshipped her, showed her how much he loved her, and the hurt seemed to recede. His name was a sob on her lips as she climaxed, and she couldn’t stop the tears that flowed from her eyes.
“Don’t cry,” he said, his voice ragged.
“If you ever doubt me again…” She sniffled and wiped her face.
“Never.”
“All right.” She lay quiet for a moment, then tried to pull away as a thought occurred. Alex tensed, holding her to him. “It’s okay, I’ll be right back,” she said, running a fingertip over his cheek.
He let her go, somewhat reluctantly, and she hopped off the bed and went to the living room. The matching jade set of dragon and fènhuáng sat on the floor. She took them in her hands, their solid weight reassuring, and returned to the bedroom.
Alex sat up as she walked in. He looked at the figurines, then her. “I thought you’d packed everything.”
“Not these.” She sat next to him and rested the cool ceramic on her bare thigh. “I was going to leave them behind.”
His hand almost reached to touch the dragon then stopped. “That’s not good. Don’t they mean a lot to you?”
“They do. But it seemed ridiculous to keep them. I’ve never had a really harmonious relationship with a man, and I figured it was time I stopped acting silly and went for something more attainable. Like a great job or money, like my friend always tells me.”
“I”—his voice cracked—“Natalie, I’m sorry. I hurt you so much.”
Pain had etched deep lines on his face, and the pale purple bags under his eyes made Alex look drained. She hadn’t noticed the signs of his suffering earlier because she’d been too busy dealing with her own.
She brushed her thumb over the dragon’s ears and handed it to him. “Here.”
“Natalie.”
“It feels right. I want to give us another chance.”
His throat worked. “So…do you forgive me?”