“Be myself?” The words come out faintly. Josephine might as well have told me to leap into a shark-infested swimming pool. “What does that even mean?”
“Being yourself is just being happy with yourself, Erin,” Josephine says. “So it’s simple: choose items that make you happy.”
Jun has been laying out dresses. “Now, I picked out various items in jewel tones,” she says. “I’m certain you have tons of beige and other neutral shades.”
“I do, but…” I steal a glance at a bright magenta dress that is screaming my name. The shade is absolutely stunning, and the cut is stylish. I can imagine how flirty and fun it’s going to look. I just can’t picture myself wearing it because it’s going to grab attention. “It’s so…vivid.”
“Is that your only objection?” Josephine asks. “You’re blonde and pale. And you’ve got that pink mani and pedi, which I love. But if you put white or cream on top of that, you’re going to look washed out unless you have some accessories to counter the effect.” She sniffs. “And don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think that’s what’s going to make you happy.”
I say nothing because she’s right about the status of my closet. And it’s not that blending in makes me especially happy—it’s that I want to prevent people from noticing me. That way if I ever do something weird, chances are better that nobody will see it.
Still, my gaze lingers on the dress. I loved wearing bright shades until my mom’s death… Mom loved vivid colors, too. Suddenly, I feel sad and nostalgic at the same time. I can never go back to when I was innocent and carefree. When I did what I wanted because it made me happy.
Josephine continues, “These will add some color, create some personality to your presence. This particular blue is excellent because it’ll bring out your eyes.” She gestures at a blue wrap dress.
“And you have amazing eyes,” Jun says. “Your eyelashes are quite long and thick, too.”
“Really? I haven’t done anything to them,” I say, feeling a weird need to explain and even defend their state. I don’t know why, but I’m terribly nervous about these women’s compliments.
“Wow. Girl, put some mascara on, and you’re going to look amazing.” Jun straightens from the wall and gestures at Becca. “Mascara, please.”
Becca brings out a brand-new tube from one of the drawers built into the wall.
Jun comes over and runs the wand quickly over my lashes. “There we are.” She stands back. “Wow. Look at you.”
“Holy shit,” Josephine whispers.
“Honey, you should’ve done something before,” Becca adds. “You look amazing.” She moves out of the way along with the rest of the women. “Just look!”
I do, then flutter my eyelashes. Oh my God. My eyes look huge. Not bug huge, but like a model on a fashion magazine. Almost like an anime girl. I blink a few times. Okay, I agree. Wow.
“On the house.” Jun hands me the mascara. “I’m certain you don’t have a tube. And honey, the first step to being happy is ensuring you’re comfortable in your skin and feeling pretty.”
“Thank you.” I’m genuinely happy with this discovery. I haven’t really bothered with anything to make myself noticeably pretty since my mom died. What little makeup I use in the morning is only so I don’t look actively terrible in the office.
And I wonder if Jun’s right. I’ve spent so much of my time trying to blend in and not stand out. It hasn’t made me happy or feel like I fit in anywhere. So maybe it’s okay for me to make myself a little bit pretty. How can joy in my heart over how I look now be such a terrible thing?
Jun smiles. “My pleasure. And Becca, get Erin a bottle of eye makeup remover. Also on the house.”
Josephine claps once. “Now. Let’s pick out what makes you a happy lady.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
David
–Dane: Why the hell would I do that? You should buy me and Sophia dinner.
–Me: I thought Sophia wanted a chance to get to meet me and Erin.
–Dane: She’s already met both of you!
Oh yeah. Shit.
–Me: I mean as an engaged couple.
–Dane: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. And even if she does, you should be the one paying for or cooking the damned dinner!
I roll my eyes. I texted him over three hours ago after texting Josephine. He’s just getting back to me, which isn’t too surprising, since he’s incredibly busy. But for him to be so picky and stingy about a meal!