"Asleep in the waiting room."
Light wasn't pouring in through the window, but it didn't seem like it was quite nighttime. Was it morning? Or had more time than that passed? "What time is it?"
"Almost 8 p.m. Kins and I have been here since last night. I was so worried."
A whole day had passed then. My head was pounding. I realized he was still holding my hand. There were tubes sticking out the back of it. Maybe someone else would have been upset in this situation, but it wasn't exactly the first time I had wound up in the hospital. For some reason, I couldn't stop looking at my hand though. It almost felt like he was an extension of me. "I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
I'm sorry that I can't tell you the truth. I'm sorry that I have to push you away when all I really want is to keep holding your hand. "Waking you up in the middle of the night. You don't have to stay."
His chair squeaked as he shifted closer to me. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."
"I'm okay now. Really, you should go get some sleep."
"I don't think I could sleep even if I wanted to."
I swallowed hard. "Why?"
"Because of everything the doctor told me."
"What happened to doctor-patient confidentiality?" My heart was hammering in my chest. How much did he know?
"You were unconscious. I told them I was your brother."
"They shouldn't have told you anything." My mind still felt hazy but I remembered the doctor whispering. Physical abuse.
"He didn't even have to tell me, I already knew. I see the way that your boyfriend treats you. I see the way you freeze when he gets angry. Sadie, you don't have to defend him."
"It wasn't him."
"Then who was it?"
I didn't have an answer for him. He couldn't know.
He placed his other hand on top of mine, cradling my hand between his. "The doctor said that you've broken almost every bone in your body. He said there are marks on your back that are consistent with burns and knife wounds. And that there's a pretty nasty scar on your stomach. And he said he had reason to believe that it wasn't just physical abuse either."
"He doesn't know me. He couldn't possibly know any of that. And it isn't true."
"He thought you broke your arm. He did an x-ray and when he saw that your bones weren't aligned properly he got concerned..." his voice trailed off.
The doctor did x-rays on my whole body? Without my consent? And told someone the results without asking me? I could sue this hospital to oblivion. I had the money to hire the best attorneys in New York. I shook away the thought. I didn't even understand my reaction. Who had I become? It felt like I had completely lost any resemblance of Summer. And I didn't like who Sadie had become. The doctor was just concerned. And Miles was just concerned. The problem was that I didn't have any answers. "I don't know what you want me to say."
"I should have fucking written him up when I caught him drinking." He dropped my hand.
"Who? Eli? It wasn't him."
"Then who was it, Sadie?"
"I don't know. It was just some scary looking guy." Terrifyingly scary.
He grabbed my hand again. "You can talk to me. If you're scared of something, I promise that I won't tell anyone. It can stay between us. Just tell me who did this. Let me help you."
I pulled my hand away. I wasn't dragging Miles into this mess. "I don't need your help. Why do you keep offering to help me?" Want and need were two very different things. I wanted him desperately. I wanted him to hold my hand and make me feel safe for the rest of my life. It's what I had always wanted. I let the feeling of loss he had given me all those years ago take over my mind. It was the only way I knew how to push him away. To keep him safe. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. And if he offered to help me one more time, I was going to lose it.
"Because I care about you."
"Sadie!" Kins barreled into the room. "Thank God you're awake." She embraced me in a hug.