For four seconds. It felt like I was choking.
"The bail was set high, but he paid it. All of it. I don't even know where he got the money. I'm so sorry."
For five seconds. I closed my eyes and let the tears stream down my cheeks.
"Sadie? Are you still there?"
"What other evidence did they need? They took pictures of the bruises. Of the scars. They had x-rays."
"It's not about the evidence. The trial date will be set soon. In the meantime he has a no contact order. That's the best we could do. I'm sorry, Sadie."
There was an awkward silence between us. He's sorry? He should be fucking sorry. He promised me he'd put him away. He promised.
"He's free?" My voice came out as a whisper even though I was angry. This can't be happening.
"We knew this was a possibility..."
"You promised me. You promised if I told you everything that you'd put him away. He's going to kill me." God, he's going to kill me. I could feel his fingers around my neck again.
"I need you to take a deep breath, okay? He has a no contact order and he's out on bail. He can't leave the state. He can't contact you in any way. He won't be bothering you. He doesn't even know where you are. We made sure of that."
"Are you promising he won't be able to find me? Like you promised he'd go to prison and stay in prison?"
"Sadie, we said we'd do everything we could, and..."
"No, you promised you'd put him away. You promised."
"We tried." His voice was softer this time. "We tried everything we could. And we'll do our best at the trial. This isn't over."
Tried and failed. "I don't want to live like this. I can't live like this..."
"Sadie, you need to get a hold of yourself. You are safe. I can assure you..."
"It's not just my safety! I want to be able to tell people the truth. There was nothing in the folder about how to explain the scars away. What am I supposed to say about that? How am I supposed to live a normal life like this?"
"I never said it would be normal."
I leaned back on the brick wall. He hadn't. I just wanted it to be.
"You're allowed to create whatever past you want. Do you know how many people would kill for this opportunity?"
I just want to be me.
"But I am glad to hear you're hitting it off with someone. This process is easier if you have someone to lean on."
"I never said I was hitting it off with someone."
"If you're worried about someone seeing your scars..." his voice trailed off.
I hoped he felt awkward about what he just said. He should have. Was he seriously trying to give me relationship advice? I didn't want to talk to him about Eli. Eli deserved so much more than whatever I could give him. He deserved someone honest. Someone good. Someone pure. I wiped away my angry tears.
"Take another deep breath, Sadie."
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I followed his instructions.
"Does anyone suspect anything?"