I touched the earbuds dangling from his shirt pocket.
"Oh." He laughed. "Nothing, actually. My iPod broke a few months ago. But I've found that I kind of like just looking like I'm listening to music. People tend not to bother you when you look like you don't want to talk to them."
"And here I thought you were a nice western gentleman."
"It's an adjustment for me to be here too. Sometimes I just need to feel...alone I guess? Maybe that sounds kind of weird. I kind of miss the silence, is what I mean."
"No, I get it. It's very loud here."
He laughed.
"But at the same time, I actually hate being alone. I like that there's always someone nearby." Someone to hear me scream. I shook away the thought as we crossed the street. I had a feeling I'd never need to scream if Eli was beside me.
"Is that why you're still hanging out with me even though I refuse to stop flirting with you?"
"Because I like having someone nearby?" I laughed. "No, that's not it."
"Ah, so it's because you're forced to be my psychology partner then?"
"No, that's definitely not it." I wasn't going to play games with him. That wasn't me. "It's because you remind me of home."
His eyes met mine. "You remind me of home too, Sadie."
I swallowed hard. "Why, did you leave some brunette back home or something?"
He laughed. "No. I don't really know how to explain it. But your smile seems warmer than other peoples. No one else's smile reaches their eyes here."
I could feel myself blushing.
"We're almost there," he said and turned to walk down some steps.
I hadn't been paying attention to where we were going at all. My eyes hadn't left him since we stepped off campus. But I'm pretty sure we had just turned into Central Park. "Is this Central Park?"
"The one and only."
"I didn't realize how close it was to campus."
"Are you sure you visited here before deciding on this school?" He smiled at me.
"Yes, of course." I wasn't sure if I sounded convincing though, because all I could focus on was how amazing it felt to be surrounded by grass again. The farther we walked, the more and more it felt like we weren't in a city at all. "This is amazing."
"I thought you might like it."
I smiled up at him. "Thank you for my surprise."
"This isn't your whole surprise, Sadie. I want to show you something." He held his hand out for me.
Chapter 17
Monday
I hesitated. And he noticed. Of course he'd notice. I liked him, but I was still staring at his hand like it was the plague. I hated when people touched me. How could I have thought we could be more than friends if I was scared for him to touch me?
He immediately shoved his hand back into his pocket. "Um, it's just right over here."
I felt bad about the hurt look on his face. "Okay." My voice was quiet.
He stepped off the path and I followed him through the grass until he stopped at a pile of huge rocks. There were a few couples sitting on them eating dinner. Laughing. Looking normal. Why couldn't I just act normal for five seconds? I wanted to hold his hand. There was a lump in my throat that wouldn't seem to go away. I stuffed my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie.