Squealing, she pulls me into a hug. “Eighteen! I can’t believe my bestie’s going to be eighteen,” she sings.
“Nothing big,” I warn.
No point in objecting because it’s too late for that. Finn has something in the works.
“I mean it,” I stress when she pulls back.
Her face turns serious. Chin bobbing in understanding, but somehow a small smirk still manages to work its way out.
I’m glad she’s excited because that makes one of us.
Birthdays for me growing up have never been a big deal. In fact, the only one I can distinctively remember is my seventh birthday. It was the first and last time Lillian ever attempted to celebrate it.
Reality crashes down with the speed and weight of an anchor. The disaster of that event had been solid enough that it never again was followed by another.
I’m positive if my mother were still alive, she’d tell you my birthday is nothing more than a black hole. A pitiful reminder of my existence.
Hailey’s hand reaches for mine, pulling me from my thoughts. Grasping, she unhooks my fingers from the medallion on my wrist.
Huh. I hadn’t realized I’d been holding it.
“Finn, he…” She stalls as her inhale goes choppy. Now I’m really listening. “I think Finn’s scared. He thinks you’re going to leave again.”
She shifts, new worry lines forming above her brows.
“You aren’t, are you?” She shakes her head with a smile, but it’s nervous. “You know what, never mind. Don’t answer that.” Changing her decision.
The uncertainty she carries hits me like a smack to the face. She’s as worried as Finn, even if she doesn’t say it. She doesn’t need to; I can feel it.
They’re worried I’m going to leave again. This time if I do, I’ll be able to without a fight because I’ll be an adult.
“You know, you made it seem easy.” Hailey’s tone was sobering. “You packed up your stuff and left us all like it’s nothing. Likeweare nothing.”
Her eyelashes saturate, regarding me with quiet curiosity, and my ribs fracture, splintering in half.
I had been so caught up in my own grief that I hadn’t thought of how my running away could affect others.
My throat clogs, and it’s a solid reminder that that’s not something I’ve ever had to worry about in the past. It has only ever been me…
For the first time in my life, I realize what it feels like to have people want you around. The sensation like seeing the sun after a rainy day. Blinding as it is warm.
I snort out a sound. “Since when have my brother and you gotten so close?” Needing the distraction or I’m going to burst.
The withering fragments that are my insides can’t take any more seriousness.
“Oh, we text here and there, but we’re just—”
Coach Boone’s whistle blasts in the air. “Casper, stop thinking with your other head and get back on the court,” he complains before blowing it again.
“—Friends,” Hailey says, finishing her thought from earlier.
Both of us now eyeing the girl Finn’s chatting up on the sidelines in the cheerleading uniform. Her pom-pom hits his chest as he smiles that megawatt, panty-dropping expression down at her.
My face contorts and Hailey’s shoulders noticeably sink.
“…Only friends.” Her voice far less enthusiastic than before.
“Poor thing must have gotten lost,” I ridicule, hoping to cheer her up.