“Every single one of us is guilty,” I pant. “So don’t pretend we aren’t equal onthatfront.”
His chest rises and falls. “Bull, youdestroyedher, man.”
“Every single one of us,” I reiterate as Finn’s breath labors long past heaving. He can be mad all he wants, but those are the facts. None of us deserved her recognition, let alone kindness.
That’s what separated her from us though. She isn’t like us. Under too much sarcasm—more than realistically healthy—there’s goodness.
His eye pulses. “That was before.”
My posture stays rueful.
“So was this,” I yell, exasperated. “What happened was a long time ago. I can’t change the past. Why do you think I’m trying to fix it? I care about her.” I swallow on a pause. “…I care a lot.”
I might even be—
“—Pity you won’t be riding with us then, huh?” His face changes then. Mouth twisting in vile disgust and my blood runs cold once more. The sun can’t even help me now. His hatred toward me washing away my earlier thoughts.
“If it weren’t for me, you would still be looking elsewhere,” I growl. “The question you should be asking me is shotgun or back seat.”
He stalls and I see it then. The weight of his pain carried heavy on his upper body. The guilt as heavy as my own.
As soon as it arrives, it’s gone. Replaced with something else. I want to argue but can’t find the effort when those sturdy shoulders drop. The heaviness of defeat hanging openly in the air.
“Not this time, C, not yet.” Tone the softest I’d heard in weeks. Making it that much more painful when he climbs back inside.
Words as defeated as they are final.
“You’re on your own.”
five
Rory
ThedaysatAlma’shave never been easy. The shift’s long and exhausting. Constant movement, back pain, and then the bane of my existence, the bottomless pit of dishes.
I work on autopilot.
Mechanically making it through another day, same as I have a thousand times before. Same as I will continue to do until I have enough saved up to move on.
…Find somewhere else to run to.
When I left, I didn’t know where I was going.
After leaving, I wanted answers, but now all I want is far away.
I thought about going to see the ocean. I’d never been, and Hailey talked about it enough that I thought I might like it. That thought quickly ruptured as soon as those cerulean eyes popped back into my mind.
Shards of pain shot through my stomach all over again. The back of my eyes stung while I frantically dug through my book bag, only to realize I didn’t have the funds for another ticket. So, I did what I’ve always had to do.
I adapted.
Shedding the weight of the last few months like a salamander does to a limb. Molting from one life to another seamlessly.
Luck on my side when a girl who looked as lost as I felt popped into the bathroom at the station. It wasn’t hard to convince her to trade tickets. The hoodie, on the other hand, a harder sell, but I managed.
I hadn’t bothered to look at where my new destination was until I climbed onto the bus. I didn’t care as long as it was away from anything that reminded me of before.
The irony of it all is how I ended back up here. Our bus stopped for a bathroom break halfway to my new destination, but I never got back on once I realized where we stopped.