But of course, nothing in my life can be that simple.
I pick up his glass, turning to leaveagainwhen I hear the slap and feel the sting on my butt.
Their laughter echoes in my ears. Ringing. Growing louder until all I can feel is its tightness growing. Smothering the rational thoughts in my brain with a cloudy vengeful haze.
My composure completely disintegrated, rage now filling the void.
Sanity is all but a mind game. It’s a mental system derived from the masses that gives these boys their privileged egos. They knew what they were doing, they didn’t care. Their self-pride overpowering their sense of common respect.
But I’m different. Call it neglect, having to grow up quickly, raising myself. All the above.
I’m not like them, with their easy smiles and charisma, not a care in the world. I’ve seen how dark the world can be.
The world is their pearl. Mine being the oyster. I’m what’s left after the beauty inside is taken. Thrown back into the sea, empty, split open, and forgotten.
I’ve come to master being able to shift from one operating system to the next. The seamless side shifting into place as my features relax.
And like that, the finality of his fate is sealed. The empty cup was all but forgotten as it’s set down.
He is practically begging for what’s coming next.
Turning, I smile sweetly. Flutter my lashes a little. Twirl my fingers through the ends of my long locks strung up into a high pony.
Bending down, I run my finger along his neck, above his collar. Goose bumps break out across his skin. His smirk tells me all I need to know. He thinks this is all but in the bag.
Like my mother, they think I’m naïve, foolish…easy.
Doesn’t matter the quality, it’ll get you to the same place eventually.
In all of Lillian’s faults, she was at least right about one thing, manipulation.
Having a mother who stopped caring a long time ago. Abusing medication, and then eventually alcohol becoming the drink of choice when the meds weren’t enough to numb the pain. I know firsthand what it’s like to watch someone slowly start to diminish into themselves.
To shrivel away into oneself but still be breathing. Trapped inside your head like a prisoner. Purgatory of the brain.
Numbing the pain internally. Even as the world continues to live around you.
“You know what you remind me of, handsome?”
My fingers begin to delicately trace the collar of his polo, giving it a light tug, pulling him up from his seat. His crew all but hold back their applause when I wink. Their faces shine as I pull him up and away from the booth.
My eyes struggle not to roll to the back of my skull.
“Enlighten me, beautiful.” His smile is easy. Teeth too unnaturally white.
These punks see a body and the face I am cursed with. The features that haunt me when I look in the mirror, the one that looks like hers. A couple of decades younger.
All they see is a facade. My insides are hollow, much like her eyes were when I was younger.
Weaken their defenses and then let them hang themselves on their vanity.
Lillian would tell me right before popping a couple of little white pills into her mouth like Tic Tac mints every morning.
It happens within seconds.
The pupils of his eyes begin to dilate at the same time I paste a syrupy sweet smile onto my face. His back stiffens as my hands lock on to his shoulders. His body already beginning to go into that space, tensing under my hold.
His brain only catching up when it’s too late. He’s no longer looking at me but at his friends in a last-ditch plea for help.