Only after I angled my head back and I saw that his eyes were as crestfallen as his face did he truly break me. Splitting me right in half.
His voice cracked. “I’m sorry.”
I split further.
“Rory.” His voice deepened at his own anger before softening again. “Princess, please look at me, I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry.
Two simple words and my stomach churned.
His hold tightens when I move like he was afraid he was going to lose me. Even though deep down he knew he already was. He already had…
Earlier I couldn’t decide if I wanted to vomit or scream now, I wanted to do both. My hands grab at my stomach as I lurch over. I was dry heaving, choking on air.
Everything sinking in, settling.
Cole was the reason I wasn’t allowed to come back after that summer.
My stomach revolts some more, nothing coming out as my eyes slam shut. The sound of my own blood rushing to my ears.
If I had never been sent back to my mother I never would have been assaulted, I never would have had to leave. I never would have been homeless.
Deep breaths, Rory. Count to five, in. Hold it. Count to five, release. Deep breaths, Rory. Hold it. Count to five, release.
I was panicking and then I wasn’t. My head quiets, stagnating as everything stalls. Numbing as it reached my chest.
Sinking deeper and deeper, I plummeted into nothingness. To the place where no one could hurt me. That place inside my heart where it was only me again. A hollow abyss of nothingness.
It was lonely but no one could wound me there.
Cole was saying something, but I wasn’t listening. It didn’t matter—nothing did.
I licked my lips, they tasted dry and stale.
I hiccup a chuckle but it’s as empty as I am. Silas had been right. Paper was easier to manipulate. Metal, however, was harder to mold, not break.
You couldn’t break something that was already destroyed.
“Did Finn know?” I spit out, suddenly. Needing to know.
Was he as responsible to blame for harboring this secret as well? It was obvious Abram had no idea otherwise I doubt he’d have treated me the same.
Or at least that’s what I’d told myself.
“No.”
Saliva lurches in my throat.
“Eli?”
His head moves slowly from side to side. No, Eli hadn’t known either.
My lungs were begging for oxygen I refused to give. I wanted to remember how this felt. Remind myself what weakness does to people. How badly it can cut you. Slice you wide open and leave you with nothing.
I stepped away from him. His frown deepens as I do it again, but he doesn’t fight me. Eyes crystal clear and full of shame.
Cole wasn’t as unaffected as he appeared. I could laugh but it would only come off bitter.