And I liked it. Loved it, even. Loved her.
“Do you mind?” she finally asked on Tuesday evening, three days after her test. I was holed up in a spare bedroom that I’d converted into an office, tapping away at some spreadsheets for a job estimate. Josie lounged on a futon across the room, laptop in front of her as she worked through some homework.
My head jerked up at the interruption. I spun my chair around and looked at her, hands resting on my knees. “Mind what?”
She gestured around the room. “Me…you know, parking it at your house for this long.”
I furrowed my brows at her answer. “Of course not. You can stay as long as you want. You can move in, if you feel like it.” I sucked a breath in through my teeth as soon as the words came out and added, “Or not, if you don’t want to move that fast.”
Josie stilled, eyes wide at the sudden offer, but I could see the gears spinning in that lovely brain. It never stopped, that mind of hers. “Do you mean that? Is that what you want?”
I nodded. “I…it was a little bit of an impulse, but yeah, I do. I love you—” I swallowed hard, the words still bright and new in my mouth “—and I like you, you know? Having you around all the time could be…” I shrugged. “Could be kind of fun.”
Lame,I scolded myself. That was so lame.
But Josie’s delighted expression—clearly she didn’t think so. She wore that little half-smile that she seemed to save just for me, and something sparkled in her eyes, which had been dull and tired for days.
“Let’s put a pin in anything permanent for now,” she said lightly. It wasn’t what I’d hoped to hear, and I felt my stomach drop.
Permanent. Medical school. Maybe across the country.
Right, I thought bleakly, trying not to let my mind go there until it had to.
“But for now, let’s…see how it goes,” she added. “I was basically doing it anyway, right? My whole life is kind of up in the air right now, so I want to spend time with you while I can, anyway.”
While I can.Three words that pressed against my chest like a weight, light enough to carry, but heavy enough to hurt. I rubbed at the spot almost automatically and cleared my throat.
“That sounds good,” I said.
Josie’s eyes narrowed, and Annie’s warning about not bullshitting her popped into my head. But I ignored the little flicker of guilt, even as my throat tightened with my own uncertainties and worries. I did not want to put my anxiety about this on her—not yet anyway, not when we didn’t even know her test scores yet. I wanted to be with her now and love her as much as I could. We could figure the rest out later.
Hopefully.
After a long moment, Josie relaxed back into the cushions and smiled tiredly at me. “Then I guess I live here now,” she said. “How do you like it so far?”
“Josie,” I said, leaning heavily into her full name, “I already know that I’ll love it.”