Chapter One
Adam
August 13th…
Becket, Massachusetts
“Why are you smiling like that?” My brother, Nash, asks as we watch the Red Sox.
“It’s a good game,” I respond.
“Our team is losing.” Busted. “You’re thinking about Ember, aren’t you?”
“I miss my best friend,” I say a bit more defensively than is justified.
“Right. Friends,” Nash scoffs. He’s almost eighteen and a little shit.
“What do you know?”
“That you love her.” I side-eye him, wondering if he’s guessing, trying to trip me up, but his expression is serious. “Your secret is safe,” he vows. “I just know things.” He’s not wrong there. Nash has always been sensitive, more attuned to his feelings and that of others than the rest of us. Mom says he’s a sponge that soaks it all in. The downside is that it can be too much for him and it gets overwhelming. Thankfully, Mom recognizes when that is and helps him through it.
Needing to talk about this, I admit that I do, and confess my plan. “I’m gonna tell her when we get back to campus.” She and I attend Bentley University and will be starting our final year next month. We aren’t that far from home, so we can visit frequently, more of a selling point for me than her as her parents are useless. She and her older brother, Kent, are close, though. As for me, my family and I are a tight knit bunch. I should’ve known Nash would figure out my real feelings for her.
She’s been a part of my life since kindergarten. I can still recall her standing at the door, holding her mom’s hand – this was prior to her mom turning into a wicked witch. At first, I thought she was the one not wanting to let go, but clear as a bell Ember’s voice echoed into the room. “Mommy, imma big girl. I’ve got this. I’m gonna go make some friends now.” And then she walked directly to me and stated, “I’m Ember. Wanna be besties?”
Ember has always been it for me, even before I knew what that meant. I’ve never so much as held another girl’s hand. Why would I want to? I want all my firsts to be with her, myonlys, and I’m finally ready to tell her that. I’ve let the fear she might not return my feelings stop me too many times.
Every schoolmate we’ve ever had thinks we’re together anyway. Not that a few idiots haven’t still attempted to gain her attention. Thankfully, all it usually takes is one look at me and they run for the hills. Ember finds it funny, not in the least upset they never try again. In fact, she seems relieved. Not as much as I am, of course.
The thing is, she can get just as territorial over me. That gives me hope she sees me as I do her. She says they aren’t good enough for me, and I readily agree. What I don’t add – out loud – is that it’s because they aren’t her.
I know how lucky I am to have found Ember at such a young age, giving us even more years to create memories and a family. I just need to take the first step to get us closer to that destination. Her being gone a week has shown me that I never want to be without her again. This is the longest we’ve ever been apart and she still has seven more days at her grandparents’. Her grandpa had knee surgery and Ember offered to stay with them until he was back on his feet, so to speak. They don’t live that far from here, which has allowed me to see her a few times. The last, I swear we were about to kiss. She’d pressed her forehead to mine, finally taking a moment to just breathe, and thanked me for always being there for her.
That was my cue to admit how I felt, to promise she’d never know what it’s like to be without me. Then she’d leaned forward, her lips so close to mine, and I didn’t want to move or speak in case I spooked her. But her grandpa had called for her, stealing the moment from us. The potential for it was almost as good. Almost. I want to know if her mouth is as soft as it looks, if her lipstick will smudge and leave remnants of it on me, marking me as hers. No way in hell would I wipe it off if it does. It’d be like I was erasing her claim on me.
Nothing is going to stop me this time. The not knowing is torture. Granted, this might be one-sided, and that revelation will hurt like a bitch, but at least I’d know. Not that I’ll give up on there being an us. I’ll simply continue to prove she can count on me and hope it makes her fall in love with me.
Maybe I’ll just drive down tomorrow and tell her. I’d go now if it wasn’t for the fact my parents aren’t home. I know Nash can handle keeping an eye on Camden and Riley if I left, not that they’re much trouble at sixteen and fourteen respectively. However, dad and mom are having their once a month Saturday date night and put me in charge of the two youngest. I don’t want to disappoint them, and them coming home and finding me gone, showing I’d gone back on my word, would do it.
When there’s a knock, I jump up, my first thought being that it’s Ember until I remember she wouldn’t leave her grandparents. Maybe it’s a friend of one of my siblings. I assure Nash I’ll get it and he heads to kitchen instead to grab more snacks as Camden and Riley make requests.
I peek through the side window and see two uniformed officers, and my stomach starts twisting, intuition warning me that the life we knew, the life I’d hoped for, is gone. I reluctantly open the door and confirm the address and my identity. Hearing the voices of strangers, the others join me, each crowding close, instinctively seeking comfort. I can see it in their faces. They know something is wrong, too.
The cops explain that there’s been an accident, that neither of our parents survived, and offer their condolences. Blood rushes in my ears, drowning out the rest of what they’re saying. They’re gone. They won’t be coming home ever again. My mom laughing at a joke dad told her, dad smiling like she’s the most beautiful woman in the world.
Nash grabs my hand and squeezes, as if he needs to reassure himself that I’m still here. Camden’s fingers grab my shirt and hold on. Riley just starts bawling, calling the police liars and telling them to go away. Thankfully, they don’t take that personally. I feel bad for them as I’m sure this never gets easier regardless of how many times they have to do this, but I can’t think about that right now nor can I react as I’d like to...by punching a wall or roaring in pain.
I have to accept that as well as the realization I can’t be selfish. I need to be the man my brothers and sister need. I can’t do that if I’m not here. I’m suddenly the head of the house and that comes with responsibilities. One of those is putting them first. My heart, already fractured from the news that we’re now orphans, breaks irreparably with the knowledge of what I have to do.
Let Ember go.
Chapter Two
Ember
August 14th…
“I’m going to kick his ass,” I mutter as I slam the broom down on the kitchen floor. I’m using it to pick up non-existent dirt because it’s giving me a moment to myself and I can build up a good head of steam because this task doesn’t require focus.