My desire to talk this over with him evaporates into thin air. It doesn’t matter anymore. The picture is out there now. Even if it gets taken down, people have screenshots.
How will I ever show my face at that school again?
Defeat settles over me and brings numbness with it. It’s a relief in a way. After the lows, all the fear and the dread, to feel nothing is better.
“You can cancel the appointment with the specialist in New York,” I type back. “My mom won’t go. She can’t risk getting sick on a plane, and we can’t afford the airfare anyway.”
“Aubrey, I’m so fucking sorry she got her hands on that picture. It’s my fault she did, but that video is bullshit. She shot it weeks ago, she keeps a bunch of drafts on hand in case she’s low on content—or, apparently, she needs to fucking frame me and pretend I did something I didn’t.”
“It doesn’t matter. I never should have sent it. I don’t think we should hang out anymore.”
“Look, just hang in there, all right? Don’t give up on me. This isn’t as black and white as it looks right now.”
“How?” I ask, hating how sad it makes me feel. “It doesn’t matter,” I add before he can answer. “I need to focus on my own stuff right now. All of this is a distraction I don’t need. I don’t even know how I’ll show my face at school again knowing how many people have probably seen that video.”
“I’ll get the video taken down ASAP,” he assures me.
“It won’t matter. They’ve all seen it. The ones who haven’t will see screenshots. I’m just over it.”
“I’ll fix this,” he tells me.
“You can’t fix it. Nobody can. My whole life is a mess no one can fix and I’m sick of it.”
Tears burn behind my eyes because I’m not just talking about the picture.
“Thanks for trying,” I add. “I’m turning my phone off for a while, so…. Bye.”
Chapter nineteen
Dare
Anae is on her way to lunch, Mindy and Mallory flanking her, when I come up behind her and grab her by the arm.
Mallory backs away, wide-eyed, and Mindy gasps at the violence with which I grab her.
Anae is not all that surprised, so she turns to face me with a pleasant smile on her face. “Hey, baby. How’s your day going?”
“I think you know exactly how my day’s going.” My grip tightens and I drag her out of the hallway so I can talk to her without an audience.
“Anae,” Mallory calls, her concern evident as I haul her friend away.
“Go ahead. I’ll catch up,” Anae calls back before being yanked into an empty classroom.
I slam the door shut, grab Anae by the throat, and throw her up against it so no one can come in and catch me by surprise.
Startled, she makes a little noise as she struggles to breathe. She grabs at my wrist, silently and instinctively seeking mercy.
“You went through my fucking phone,” I state, my voice dangerously low.
Her delicate throat works as she tries to swallow despite the tightness of my grip. Her face is already flushing from the strain, so I ease up just enough for her to explain herself.
“We always go through each other’s phones,” she manages.
“Not like that. You were looking for something. You went behind my back.”
Her eyes rise to meet mine. “You lied to me.”
Her expression doesn’t change. There’s no hurt that I can see, only anger and maybe a little confusion.
I know how vengeful Anae can be over even a small slight, but she knows better than to play those games with me.
I keep my hand around her throat, but I ease up a little more, cognizant of potential bruising. “About what?”
She swallows. “You said you hadn’t made much progress with her. I saw your marks all over her neck.”
“I put those there when I went to her house last night,” I say, hoping it stings to picture me in Aubrey’s bed. “You stole that picture out of my phone before then.”
“You should be thanking me,” she says, trying to take control of the situation.
I release her and take a step back. “Thanking you?”
Anae inches away from the wall, rubbing her neck. “I made your job easier,” she goes on. “She hates me even more now. Wait until tomorrow, she’ll be begging for your dick just to piss me off.”
“What do you have planned tomorrow?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she says, straightening her shirt collar and meeting my gaze coolly.
“It does fucking matter. Now you’re trying to keep things from me. That’s not how this works. This was not the plan, and you don’t go changing the plan without even consulting me. I’m not one of your fucking minions, Anae. You don’t lead, and I follow you around without question. Try to weave your web around me again, and I’m out. And I’ll tell you something else, you’re taking that goddamn video down before we leave this fucking room or I’ll take your phone and do it myself.”