I shake my head, looking down at my bed. “What an exhausting way to live.”
“Tell me about it.”
I look at the chipped polish on my toenails, unsure where to go from here.
Dare scoots closer.
“I know it’s fucked up, Aubrey, but I was protecting you.”
“I believe you,” I say softly.
Like everything else he says to me, it’s the truth, just not the whole truth.
Some part of me knows that, no matter what he’d say if I asked, some part of him enjoyed doing that to me. He liked kidnapping me and scaring me. He liked me tied up, crying and begging him not to hurt me.
There’s a side of him I’ll never understand, and never be fully at peace with.
Anae understood that side of him. She embraced it. Embraced all of him, even parts that terrify me, allowed him freedoms I could never bear.
And still, he chose me.
He could have done all the shit he wanted to do to me and even worse, and then he could have killed me and buried me, and gone right along with his life with her without missing a single beat.
He didn’t get to be a hero this time, but he did still save my life.
Even though that side of him scares me, maybe I should be a little grateful that he’s enough of a lunatic to convincingly play her like that and maneuver me out of harm’s way.
Because he’s right. She wanted to drown me that day at the beach, but thankfully, I didn’t walk to the cave. Maybe it would have been over right there if I had.
If Dare would have simply broken up with her and started dating me, there’s literally no reality in which she wouldn’t have killed me.
Only this one.
It’s a brutal, harsh reality, but I think he’s right. I think it was the only way.
The room has been quiet for long enough that Dare decides it’s safe to segue. “I had to talk to my dad’s lawyer today.”
My heart beats a little faster. “Oh yeah?”
He nods. I can feel him looking at me, but I keep my gaze down. “He’s pretty hooked up in this town. Knows a lot of people.”
“Hooray for him.”
He misses one more beat, then delivers the shot he’s been holding back. “Apparently, my girlfriend had a rape kit done last night, so… He wanted to know if there was anything we needed to get ahead of.”
A chill sweeps over me. It lingers. I know it’s not really cold in here, but I feel like all the warmth has been sucked out of the room, so I yank back the covers and climb under them.
A decent person wouldn’t dare, but Dare climbs under them with me.
“Please don’t touch me,” I say before he has a chance to.
He sighs and laces his fingers together behind his head, looking up at the ceiling. “Are you planning to make a report?”
There’s something chilling in the way he asks. He’s not scared shitless the way I have been. He’s not even mildly worried. Just… curious. Figuring out his next moves.
I feel colder now. I try to burrow deeper into the blankets.
I think about asking him to leave my room because despite his calm demeanor, I’m afraid of how this conversation could go very bad.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself, honestly. He fucking raped me.
“Anae said you drugged me,” I state.
“She did.”
“Did you?”
I wait for him to deny it or make some excuse, but he doesn’t. “Yes,” he rumbles. “Twice. The first time I just gave you a crushed up Ambien. The second time I slipped you something stronger.”
Wow.
My stomach aches, but I try to ignore it. “And then you…?”
“Yes.”
I feel a bit sicker, but I ignore that, too. “Okay. Well. Then, I was raped.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t. Just trying to figure out where we stand.”
“Have you done this to other girls?”
“No,” he says easily. “I didn’t even know I was into it until I tried it with you.”
“When? The first night I spent at your place?”
“Yes. And the night we had dinner with your mom.”
“Why didn’t you want me to be awake?” I ask quietly.
“I don’t know,” he answers. “I touched you a little bit while you were sleeping before we had sex, and then I wanted to take it further. The second time, you had technically said I could do anything I wanted to you that night.”
“I didn’t know I was saying it to a psychopath,” I say flatly.
He doesn’t have much to say to that.
After a moment, I say, “Since apparently I have to be very fucking specific, in the future, please do not ever drug me without my knowledge again.”
“Okay. I won’t.”
I’m quiet for a moment, and so is he. Finally, I ask a question I’m not even sure I want the answer to. “Did you think about killing me last night? I get that it was a trap you laid for Anae, I believe you, but in the moment, while it was actually happening, did you think about it? Even for a fleeting moment.”