‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘It was a better kiss, but it stopped there?’
She hadn’t expected such a direct question. She opened her mouth then closed it, shaking her head. ‘Does it matter?’
‘You’re humouring me, remember?’
‘No, you’re interrogating me.’
‘Yes. But I promise I’ll make it worth your while, later.’
Later. ‘No, now,’ she demanded, surprising him, so he laughed, a low, husky sound, before dropping his lips, kissing her with the kind of mastery she could never have known existed until a month ago. She trembled against him, wanting him with all of herself, needing him in a way that she was smart enough to know was terrifying, because this was temporary and the need couldn’t be allowed to take hold of her.
He pulled away, leaving her head spinning, and her heart thumping, his hands curving around her buttocks, holding her close to him, so she could feel the strength of his arousal. ‘I have wanted you all day. I have been hard for you, waiting for this moment. But all day, there has been a question too, getting louder and louder, and I would like to know the answer.’
‘But why?’
‘So I can understand you.’
‘Do you need to understand me? That sounds like boyfriend talk and that’s definitely not what this is.’
A frown flickered across his handsome face. ‘No, it’s not.’ Her heart twisted at his quick admission. ‘But it’s who I am. I need to know things, to get how they work.’
‘I’m a thing now?’ She joked to cover the strange blade of hurt pressing against her side.
‘You’re a person, but your issues are a thing.’
‘How do you know this is an “issue”?’
‘Because you’re incredibly sensual. I cannot comprehend how you’ve denied this part of yourself for so long.’
Her stomach was in knots, desire at war with shame—yes, she felt shame, despite the fact she was now a grown woman who understood that her mother had bullied her all her life. Academic understanding of a situation didn’t erase its impact—if only that were so!
‘Of course, you don’t understand. Look at you, Alejandro! Then look at me. There’s no big mystery here.’
To his credit, he appeared to be genuinely lost. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘You probably never went through an awkward teenage phase. I did. When Olivia hit adolescence, she went up. I went out. I put on weight, and got these huge breasts, and my mum—’ But how to describe Angelica’s particular brand of parenting? ‘Let’s just say, she didn’t foster a healthy body image in anyone.’
Alejandro was still looking as though it didn’t make any sense to him. ‘But you were a teenager.’
‘So?’
‘So...’ He shrugged in a way she found beyond sexy. ‘Hormones, development, bodies change.’
‘It’s not just about my body. It’s everything. My hair, my freckles, I’m the antithesis of my mother. Olivia was cast in her image and I’m some kind of throwback to my father’s Irish grandmother.’
‘Your hair is like flame.’
‘It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with my appearance.’
‘What is there to make peace with?’
She stared at him, bemused. It was almost as though he genuinely didn’t see how unglamorous she was. ‘I looked you up online. I’ve seen the kind of women you usually date. I’m nothing like them. Please, don’t treat me like an idiot and act as though you haven’t noticed.’
‘And do you think I’m not attracted to you?’ He pushed his body forward, reminding her of the physical evidence of his desire.