“Yep. He never outright forbade me from doing those things, but he’d make his comments. He’d say I was spending too much time on my hobbies, that I wasn’t being present in our relationship. He’d say that there was no way I’d be promoted at my job if my head was in all my volunteer work.”
Clarissa narrowed her eyes and shook her head. “Total manipulative bullshit. It’s classic stuff; I learned about it in the abnormal psych class I took in college. People like him want to separate you from anything that isn’t them. They want to be your whole world and get threatened by anything that seems like it might infringe on that.”
It all sounded so familiar.
“That’s right,” I said. “If it were up to Adam, I’d be stuck in the apartment watching TV until it was time to work. Then off to the office and back home to do it all over again. Oh, not to mention sex on demand.” Saying the words sent a shiver up my spine. The idea that I’d done anything like that with a man like him was almost unbearable.
Then my mind went to other matters, like the night he screamed at me with rage in his eyes, his fist slamming into the wall so hard he cracked the plaster, his anger so intense that I worried he might cross a line that a man had never crossed with me before…
Clarissa reached over and took my hand. “You don’t have to worry about any of that anymore. You made the tough, but right call to leave Adam. The hard part’s already done.” She smiled warmly, a smile that I couldn’t help but match with one of my own.
“Thanks. But it feels more like the hard part has just started. I have to make a new life, try to put together something from the wreckage of the one I left behind.”
“It’ll be fun!” Clarissa said with a smile. “Look, you’ve got a job, your health, and a totally supportive, totally charming best friend to help you through it!” She grinned, letting me know she was teasing about the last part. “But seriously – you’re here, and you’re doing what you need to do. You want to know what I think?”
“What’s that?”
“That you’re overwhelming yourself with all this talk about rebuilding your life and figuring out what to do. Right now, I think you’ve earned a little cutting loose.”
I scrunched up my brow. “What kind of cutting loose?”
“That kind.”
She grinned and glanced over my shoulder, with a slight nod. I turned to see what she was looking at, realizing right away. A tall, handsome man in a sharp, business casual outfit was at the counter, a warm smile on his face as he thanked the cashier and turned away with his salad.
He turned in our direction, our eyes meeting. The warm smile appeared again; this time charged with sexual energy as he checked me out. His salad in hand, he strode past our table and sat down a dozen feet away, slipping a MacBook out of his leather briefcase and opening it.
“Now, I realize you might be a little out of practice after being in a relationship for so long,” Clarissa said. “But if you need a reminder, that’s what it looks like to get checked out.” She glanced over my shoulder in the man’s direction again, chewing on her lower lip.
“That’s what’s awesome about Charmed Bay – this place is a hot spot for tourists and grad students and people working remotely like you. That means not only are there a ton of guys here, but it’s a constantly changing supply.” She tilted her head back, as if giving the matter some serious thought. “That’s what I think you need.”
“Random guys?” I asked. “I don’t know about that. I mean, I know you like to keep things fresh. But Adam…he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with.”
Clarissa’s eyes flashed with surprise. “Then we definitely need to get you out there.”
“I know,” I said. “I should be playing the field or whatever. But I don’t know if I can do that. Sex for me…it has to be special. I’m sure that sounds naïve but it’s how I feel. I need a connection, a real connection that’s not just based on something physical.”
She nodded in understanding. “Sure, I get that. But don’t underestimate just how fun it can be to have something just physical. And with Adam, well, you know the old expression about how the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” She glanced over her shoulder one more time, making eyes at the guy. He was glancing back, but it wasn’t clear if he was looking at Clarissa or me.
“How about this,” she said. “Tonight, after work we can hit up Red’s. They’ve got awesome drink specials on Wednesdays, which means that the place is always packed with every sort of guy the town has to offer. We can go there, grab a few, and…see what happens. If you meet someone, awesome. But if you get there and decide that you’re not ready for it, then no pressure. But you at least owe it to yourself to give it a shot, right?”
She was making sense. Meeting guys seemed like the last thing I wanted to do but being around people did sound nice.
“I’m telling you, you’re always worrying about other people, putting everyone else before you. If you ask me, I think it’s time for you to do what you want for once. Live a little, you know?”
I considered the idea, taking a few more bites of my salad. Before the conversation could go on any further, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. I raised my butt and slipped my phone out, giving it a look.
“Shoot,” I said. “It’s an email from my boss seeing if I can meet for a zoom call in an hour.”
“Huh?” Clarissa turned back to me, breaking from making eyes with the guy again. “Oh, then we can head back home.”
An idea occurred to me. “You know what? I think I want to walk, clear my head and think about some of this stuff we’ve been talking about.”
She cocked her head to the side. “You sure?”
“Yeah. It’s a nice day out, you know? Sunshine and movement are always good when you’ve got things on your mind you need to get straight.”
Clarissa glanced over her shoulder one more time before turning back to me with a smile on her face.