“What about it?”
“You cancelled at the last minute, and we’d already rescheduled it from the previous time. He’s a good contact, we need him!”
I was feeling tired that night. It had been a long day and I wanted to get home. Jackson was a mutual acquaintance, a businessman who was connected to a lot of various industries. He’d introduced me to people, some of these meetings had been very productive for us.
“So, what, Jesus, Dana, why are you on my case?”
“I think you’re losing focus.”
There was more she wanted to say, but she was holding back.
“What is it?”
“I think we need to prioritize the new functionality. You need to put more people on development.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Other companies are beginning to offer services that are looking very attractive. Their integration is better and faster, their adaptability is top class. Luma was the trendsetter and five years ago, we were definitely the best. But others have caught up, they’re getting better.”
“Is this about Natalie?” I fired back. “You don’t like me choosing another woman to share my bed with is that it?”
It was a low blow, and I knew it.
Dana didn’t rise to the bait, though. She stared me down.
“I don’t like being on a sinking ship, Sam. In this business, taking your finger off the pulse is fatal. You know that. The pace is too fast, and we’ve got to keep up. When was the last time you checked what the other guys were up to? Phil, John, Ho and Lee? Remember how you used to send me screen shots of their tweets, asking me to investigate and keep tabs on what they guys were up to? Do you want to know the last time you did that?”
I knew the answer to that.
It had been months.
“Do you know that Ho and John have joined forces on an app that provides almost the same services that we do?”
“You can’t compare TimeyTimey to Luma!” I said, furious.
“It’s compact and it’s much cheaper! So what if it doesn’t provide everything we do, for many people it will be enough that it is a vast cost savings!”
I felt a chill reverberate through my body.
I turned away from her to get a moment to compose my thoughts. I wanted to yell at her, throw her out of my office, but she had a point.
“We can get back on top of this,” Dana said quietly. “You can. We just need to brainstorm a bit, push some items, functionality that is unique to Luma, that no one else has. You need to spend more time in the office, with the team.”
I nodded but avoided her eyes.
Dana knew me well enough to go, leaving me to my thoughts.
That evening, I couldn’t talk to Natalie about what was bothering me. I went for a long run. The weather was turning, and it was freezing but I kept going, pounding the tar until I could think of little else but making it home and not collapsing on a dark road.
Natalie knew something was wrong and didn’t pry.
We didn’t watch TV that night and we didn’t talk about our plans for the weekend. I knew I had to shift gears, bring my attention back to work. Dana was right, I had let things slip too much. I couldn’t afford to coast the way I had been. I was beginning to lose my edge, which had always been the one thing that made Luma stand out.
I didn’t want to push Natalie away, but I needed to spend more time on work. I had a look at Lee and Ho’s app and I saw what Dana meant. It was a basic tool, very simplified but it offered users valuable time management tools. And it could be integrated very effectively into business systems. The worst thing was, I had known about it but hadn’t thought more of it. I wasn’t even worried about it. I’d become a dog who wanted to lie in front of the fireplace, have my dinner and then take it easy. I was supposed to be a wolf, on the lookout for risks, ahead of the pack, first on the trail.
I had been a wolf before. A lone wolf.
By the time I made it to bed, Natalie was already asleep.
I got in next to her, but I couldn’t fall asleep.
It felt like everything I had worked so hard for could be taken away from me.
I couldn’t let that happen.