Chapter 18
Natalie
While Ethan was at speech therapy, I dropped by the deli. Tucker had been working there for a week now, staying in my room in our apartment. Holly said he was doing well but I wanted to see for myself. I’d never seen the coffee shop so full of young women, giggling over their green teas while making eyes at Tucker, who seemed oblivious of all the attention.
“He’s a big hit,” said Holly, rolling her eyes at me from her managerial spot behind the counter.
I laughed. “The girls have always liked Tucker.”
“And he likes them!” Holly said, shaking her head in mock outrage.
Tucker saw me and came over to give me a quick hug, flashing a big grin. “How’s it going, sis?”
“Good! How’s the waitering?”
“Busy! Except… I have a total bitch of a boss!”
“Hey!” Holly said with a smile. I was glad to see they were getting along. I watched as Tucker disappeared into the kitchen to fetch an order.
“How’s it going at home?” I asked, lowering my voice.
Holly shrugged. “So far, so good. He’s in his room mostly, watching stuff on his phone, I think. Hasn’t come home high or anything like that.”
“Now remember, no weed, okay?” I said sternly.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she said.
We watched Tucker bring vegan muffins to a table of girls who looked like they should still be in school. They were flirting openly with him, and he took it all in his stride.
“He’s good for business,” said Holly. “Seriously, and he knows what he’s doing.”
I was glad to hear it. But this was still early days. The psychologist and the counselors we’d seen at the rehab center had stressed the importance of making new friends and not falling into old patterns. They warned that things often started off well and that this didn’t necessarily mean that the patterns of addiction had been broken. Tucker was keen to do some travelling, and this worried me. I wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on him. He needed money first, though, and that would keep him busy for some time.
“I have other news too,” I said, taking a deep breath before telling Holly about me and Sam being together.
“Yeah, I figured,” Holly said with a sigh.
“Why?”
“You’ve got that whole I’m-having-sex happy glow about you. Who else could it be? Marcus?” she scoffed. The idea of a dentist as a romantic proposition was not appealing to her.
“At least Sam has bad boy appeal.” Holly was trying hard not to show her concern about me getting involved with Sam again. She doubted whether he had really changed, and I knew she thought he would dump again at some point in the future. I couldn’t pretend it hadn’t crossed my mind. The strange thing was, however, that since I was constantly expecting it and thinking about it, I was almost prepared for it to happen. Every time Sam did something lovely or surprised me with a romantic gesture, I was genuinely astounded.
Last time round, in college, I’d never dreamed he would turn my world upside down like that. I had trusted him completely and maybe I would never trust anyone like that again. Least of all him. But it had taught me a very important lesson. I would never again live for or through someone else, strive to make someone else happy. I would put myself first from now on. Or I would try to more. This was something my therapist had consistently tried to instill in me, a way of thinking about what I wanted in life and how I could make things happen. Even though it was still tough for me not to try to please others, I had found ways of making myself happy.
Having coffee with Holly, was one of those. Dropping in at the coffee shop and having a chat and laugh always cheered me up. Whenever I left, I always felt lighter and more cheerful. Now that Tucker was working here, I thought I would stop by even more.
“Don’t you want to eat something?” Tucker asked, as he walked by. “Let me fix you an omelet? I do a divine mushroom omelet.”
“He actually does,” Holly said.
There was a bit of a lull in the shop, many of the customers had left so I thought, why not. It was nice to have Tucker do something for me.
Another thing that made me happy, was being with Sam.
There was no point denying it.
Whenever he looked at me, there was a jolt of electricity that ran through me. It was the intensity of those blue eyes, the sheer force of his personality and intellect. When all of that was focused on me, I had no way of resisting. Sometimes, I’d be in the kitchen getting dinner ready and I wouldn’t hear him come in. He’d sneak in behind me, snake his arms around my middle and bury his head in my hair. I would drop whatever I was doing and turn to him. We were careful around Ethan, trying not to be too demonstrative in front of him. I had no idea how he would react to any physical affection between me and his father. His emotional state was very fragile, and he didn’t like change. Our stolen moments were precious, and I loved them. Every night, when I slipped into my own bed in my bedroom at the end of the corridor, I couldn’t believe my luck. To have a man like Sam wanting me and wanting to be with me. Even when I knew what he was capable of. But as the weeks passed, I started to think that maybe this time, it would last. He still came home earlier, and we talked every day, about what had happened to us, what we’d been thinking about.