"We're still us," he says. "What do you think we are?"
I shake my head, not wanting to sound stupid. He says nothing, just waits. Finally, I take a chance.
"I haven't read anything about vampires having wings. There are stories of vampires turning into bats, or even ravens, but not," I say, hesitating, knowing it sounds ridiculous. "Not angels."
"Why is it so hard to believe?"
"I don't believe any of it," I say. "I'm a scientist."
He tips my chin up so I look directly into his eyes.
"And when a scientist is confronted with new evidence, she incorporates it into her understanding of how the world works."
I resist his reasoning.
"When you no longer trust your own senses, how can you trust the evidence? There has to be some physical reason for this," I say. "For these." I reach out but don't touch one of the black feathers just inches from his shoulder.
"Go ahead," he says. "They're real."
It feels like any other feather I've touched, only on a much grander scale. The same barbs, woven together to form the fabric of the feather, the thick hollow rib in the center, and an iridescent shine created by the diffraction of light through the layer of pigment molecules. Undeniably a feather and undeniably wings.
His face is calm, so beautiful in its ivory perfection.
"What happened to you? You've changed."
"We finally gave in to what Soren had planned for us."
I take in a deep breath.
"I've gone completely insane." I say, despair welling up inside of me. "You and everything that's happened? A psychotic break."
He presses his forehead against mine briefly.
"Trust yourself." He brushes hair from my face. "This is more real than what you think is reality."
"I give in," I say, tears stinging my eyes, certain that I am in fact insane, the break with reality I had as a child after my mother died returning due to stress. I'm trapped in my delusions. "Whatever this is, I can't fight it."
He cups my cheek with his hand, and wipes away a tear with his thumb.
"Don't despair," he says, his voice filled with emotion. "You aren't insane. You merely see things too well and that's your great tragedy."
He bends down and kisses me, softly, a kiss more of compassion than lust, and I reciprocate, reaching up to hold his face, not caring any longer whether I'm suffering from Stockholm Syndrome or psychosis.
After a moment, he lets more of himself fill me and a wave of raw emotion sweeps over me, almost overwhelming me with its intensity. Need, desire, lust, hunger, fear. Every emotion is mirrored in my own body and mind until I didn't know where I end and he begins, what are his emotions and what are mine. Then he pulls completely back, withdrawing so that all I feel is his physical presence, his skin against my hands, his mouth on mine. He breaks the kiss, but keeps his forehead against mine.
"I have to go back," he says. "They're expecting us to lay out our plans, discuss our strategy. We had to do this to be free," he says, brushing hair off my cheek. "But know this. You're not Julien's. You're mine. He may have marked you first. He may have had your body. But you're mine and he won't touch you again. That was all for show for we need to project a united front." He kisses me again. "We have to become everything we despise. We have to become monsters. Don't hate me, Eve, for what I've done and what I'll do. One day, you'll understand."
He leaves the room, closing the door behind him. In the darkness, I notice a faint shimmer on my hand from touching his wing. In the moonlight flooding in from the window, it shines like diamond dust.
I go to the bathroom and stand in the darkness, letting my eyes adjust. Then, I rub the dust against my neck, the flecks like a spray of faint stars against the endless blackness of space.
Chapter 22
We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal."
Tennessee Williams
I WAKE MUCH LATER and all is quiet in the suite. I expected Michel to come in with me during the night, but he hasn't. I slip out of bed and tiptoe to the door, cracking it open to see if Michel or Vasily are still up. The lights are out and so I leave my room and walk barefoot through the hallway searching for him.