CHAPTER25
I clearmy throat as quietly as I can. “My father’s taking over a motorcycle club, only it’s not just a club. It’s mafia. He’s in charge. A fucking mobster. I don’t know why he wants my mom or why he’s changing his tone and saying he wants me, that I can solve his problem… isn’t that what he said? I have no idea what he’s talking about, and everything with Erika’s father… It’s a whole big mess, and explaining things might just confuse you all the more, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry you had to pull a gun on my father. I’m sorry you had to meet him.”
I pause and close my eyes.
“I’m sorry I ruined you, and I’m sorry I have been ruined by you. I’m sorry we broke up. About your mom… I don’t even know what to say. Actually, I do. I think you used that as an excuse to break up with me. You’re afraid to love because you’re afraid to lose someone you care about because of how your dad’s death affected your mom. Love terrifies you, and I do believe you when you say you hate me. You hate me, and maybe you don’t at the same time. It’s crazy. I get that, but you don’t have to… I’m not even sure where I’m going with this. I’m glad you’re sleeping. I’ll let you sleep.”
I get up and quickly get dressed. He's still sleeping peacefully, but I kiss his forehead anyhow. He doesn't react at all, and I leave.
The entire trek back to my place, I find myself looking every which way to make sure my father isn’t going to jump out and surprise me, but he’s not around.
Except he probably is. Lurking in the wings somewhere.
Fuck him.
I’m going to live my life the way I want to.
I’m not going to let him control me.
I’m not going to let fear control me.
I’ll do what I want.
I’ll do who I want.
Rob and I aren’t together. I know this, so that means I’m free.
Free only to a certain extent because even if we aren’t together, he still has a hold on me. He has a piece of my heart that I’m never going to get back.
And that’s fine. I gave it willingly.
But maybe it’s time to give away more pieces of my heart. Better to have loved and lost, right?
* * *
I return to my dorm room and call the campus police to let them know that my father had and harassed me and another student, that I just wanted to keep them aware of the situation. No, I didn't mention the gun, and I don't know if they'll call Rob to get his account of the situation, but they did ask for his name.
Then, I shower, get work done, spend some time with Michaela Fox and a few of my other friends, and, finally, hit the hay.
The next morning, I wake up to find a text from Rob.
Hey, gorgeous. You awake?
My heart starts to pound.Maybe.
I had a dream last night.
What about?
You.
Oh, yeah?I can’t help smiling.
Not that kind of dream.
Oh.
I had to go to your funeral.