“Afraid? Why?”
“Because I knew then that I could fall in love with you if I’m not careful.”
My heart starts to pound. “And you don’t want love.”
“My mom is so in love with my father that she can’t handle his death. She still can’t, and he died how many years ago? I can’t ever imagine what it would be like to love someone that much, and I don’t want to lose myself in anyone, yet…”
“I’ve lost myself in you,” I murmur.
“We’ve lost ourselves in each other, yes,” he says, his words raspy. “It’s terrifying. I’ve never felt like this about anyone else before. You drive me fucking crazy, Katie.”
“I get that.”
“And you’ve won over the guys.”
“Have I now?” I ask, amused, eager to latch onto that because the rest of it is far too heavy. “No more bullying?”
“No more,” he promises.
“So what else is there left?”
“So much more. Whatever you want.”
“Hmm.” I tap a finger to my chin.
“Do you want us to be a thing?” he asks.
I snort. “A thing.” I shake my head. “My parents aren’t exactly model parents. They don’t have a happy love story. I don’t know what a truly good, loving, devoted relationship is supposed to be like.”
“We can figure that out together if you want.”
“I… I think I would like that,” I say softly.
“Good.” He grins. “Do you want another drink?”
“I thought we all decided that wasn’t a smart idea.”
“I think you can decide that for yourself and not have to be told or babysat.”
I hesitate and shake my head. “I want my mind to be clear.”
“Is it?”
Honestly, I’m not so sure. I feel so very loose and happy and carefree, and all of that is so very alien to me. In a way, I almost feel as if I’m back on the cruise ship, when I let loose and had fun.
But what Rob is asking for… what I think I’m asking for… is for us to be a real couple. To move way past the one-night stand, but then again, we’ve already moved way past that. We’re in uncharted territory right now.
It should be terrifying.
It should be frightening.
It should be paralyzing.
And in a way, I do feel paralyzed. I feel helpless to deny him because this is what I want.
Rob is who I want.
He leans forward and places his cup on the coffee table. When he leans back, I reach over and cup his face.