Tears formed in my eyes and I knew in that moment, I had to talk to him about my fears about why he was with me. “And if I wasn’t pregnant?” I asked, dropping my eyes from his. I felt his fingers on my chin as he gently lifted my face until my eyes methis.
“Honestly?” he asked, and I nodded, afraid to hear what he would say. Nerves bubbled in my stomach, and I could feel that I was holding my breath as I waited for him to speak. “We probably wouldn’t be together.” I gasped and tried to move away from him, but he held me tightly, one arm wound around my waist. “Wait, hear me out,” he demanded, and I stilled as I waited for him to continue. “Savannah, I have always loved you, even when I was 12 and you were 10.” I looked at him in confusion and he chuckled. “You were 10 when you broke your arm right?” I nodded, still not knowing where he was going with this. “Me and Brody took turns climbing the tree behind the ranch house. You’d been watching us from your bedroom window and you came out full of attitude, adamant that you could climb higher than us. We warned you not to, but you being you, you didn’t listen, and then youfell.”
I nodded, the pain of the accident flashing through my mind. “What does that have to dowith—”
“Just listen, please,” he begged, his fingers on my lips, and I nodded. “Brody ran straight to get your parents and I sat next to you on the floor. I pulled your head into my lap and stroked your hair as you cried. I remember a strange feeling in my stomach as you cried, and I knew I never wanted to see you cry again. That probably wasn’t the first time I’d seen you cry, but somehow, that time seemed different. I wanted to take your pain away, but I couldn’t. By the time your parents arrived, your cries had stopped, and you were whimpering in my lap. I didn’t want to hand you over to your dad, wanting to keep you close. I didn’t understand it at the time, but looking back, that was the day I fell in love withyou.”
Tears flowed down my face as I listened to him. Growing up, I would have given anything for him to have noticed me the way I wanted to be noticed, and knowing that all along he had made my heartswell.
“A couple of years after that, my parents sat me down and explained about the leukemia and the treatment, and what it meant for me. When I finally realized how I felt about you, I decided I loved you enough to let you go. What I didn’t realize was how hard it was going to be to watch you love someoneelse.”
I shook my head and buried my face in his neck, breathing him in. His arms tightened around me and after a few minutes, I pulled away. “When I told you how I felt, you acted surprised—did youknow?”
He nodded. “As we got older, I’d see you watching me. I’d watch you too, but only when I knew no one was looking. I couldn’t risk Brody seeing—he was so protective over you when it came to his friends. He knew we were assholes around girls, and he didn’t want that for you. I’d never let you see me watching you because I didn’t want to give you false hope that we could betogether.”
“And when we were out in a group, and I danced with a guy…?” I trailedoff.
“I wanted to rip his head off. No one was good enough for you, and the truth of it was, I couldn’t stand to see someone else touching you. I wanted so badly for it to be me whose arms were wrapped around you, for it to be my mouth on yours. I know I acted crazy most of the time, and I knew I was sending mixed signals, but I just couldn’t help myself. I don’t know how Brody never picked up on my feelings for you, but it didn’t take Mason long. We’d only been out twice as a group before he asked me what was going on with you.” He laughed and kissed me on the head. “I denied it of course, but I think after one too many drinks, I ended up telling him how I felt about you. Like I said, he’d already figured itout.”
“Did he know about theleukemia?”
He shook his head. “No, I just went for the obvious reason—that you were my best friend’s little sister and I’d be crossing the line of friendship if I were to go after you. He seemed to buy it, and never tried to pushme.”
“So, when you found out I was pregnant?” I asked, trying to bring the conversation back to where it hadstarted.
“I was shocked, but it was a wakeup call. All I could think of was that you could have been in a relationship with someone else, a happy relationship, and I would have lost you forever. Other than the odd guy you would dance with when we went out, I’d never seen you with aboyfriend.”
I shook my head. “I dated occasionally, but I was so consumed with you, it never worked out,” I confessed, giving him a small smile. “I could never see myself with anyone butyou.”
“I decided I didn’t want to wake up one day and realize I’d missed my chance with you. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see you living your life with someone else, and suddenly you had the one thing I could never give you. Now that you had that one thing, it made me hope that maybe, just maybe, I would be enough for you.” His eyes bore into mine and fresh tears ran down my cheeks as I listened tohim.
“Josh, you were always enough, always,” I whispered as his thumbs wiped away mytears.
“Us being together would always have happened, Savannah. This…” He gestured between us with his hand. “This is meant to be, we are meant to be. If you hadn’t gotten pregnant, I would have realized when some jackass decided he wanted to make you his. In my head, I knew I should stay away and let someone else give you what I couldn’t, but like I said before, I couldn’t defy gravity, and that’s what it felt like I was trying to do when I tried to stayaway.”
“I love you Josh Miller,” I said, the tears still running down mycheeks.
“I love you too baby, always know that,” he said in reply. “I also love that I can tell you that whenever I want, and I especially love how I can do this whenever I want.” His eyes dropped to my lips and his mouth crashed against mine, kissing me like he might never kiss me again. He completely consumed me, my heart beating wildly in my chest. After a few minutes, he pulled out of the kiss and reached his hand down, tucking my hair behind myear.
“Let’s go see your baby,” he saidexcitedly.
“Our baby,” I said apprehensively, biting down on my bottom lip as I waited for his reaction. I watched as his face lit up with a breathtaking smile and I smiled back, squealing as he picked me up and swung mearound.
“Let’s go see our baby,” he said,laughing.
An hour later, Josh, my mom, and I were on our way to the obstetrician’s office in Marble Falls. My mom wasn’t sure she should come now that Josh was coming, but I was scared and wanted her there. Parking the car, Josh held my hand as we walked the short distance up to the clinic, squeezing it occasionally in an attempt to reassureme.
At the desk, I gave my name to the receptionist and she smiled warmly at me, telling me to take a seat. Like the last time, the waiting room was full of women at different stages of pregnancy, and I saw Josh glancing around, his eyes going wide when he saw the woman opposite us who looked like she was ready to give birth any moment. His eyes dropped to her swollen stomach and then he looked at my stomach before his eyes met mine. I nodded andsmiled.
“Yes, I’m going to get that big,” I whispered, knowing from his face what he wasthinking.
“You are going to look so beautiful when your belly’s that swollen,” he whispered, his hand coming to rest on my smallbump.
“I’m not so sure about that Josh,” I told him with alaugh.
“Not sure about what sweetheart?” my mom askedme.
“Oh, just that Josh thinks I’m going to look amazing right before I give birth—morelike