One
It is my belief that love is mostly about showing up. It’s about showing up in the good times and especially in the bad. It’s about being there, showing up, and continuing to show up. If you can do these things day in and day out, no matter what life brings you, you’ll find that love is there for the taking. In time you might come to find that while it’s not in the form you may have imagined—or necessarily the way that you thought it would be—it’s there nonetheless. This is the story of one such love and how it came to be everything unimaginable and yet so much more than one could have hoped for.
Addison Greyer pulled the sweatshirt over her head, stuffed her keys and phone in the pocket, grabbed her pepper spray, and headed out for the run she so desperately needed. It was a cold, dreary morning, the kind where the cold seemed to settle in your bones until it almost hurt. Gripping the pepper spray tightly, Addie rounded her driveway, taking off in full sprint, pushing herself harder and faster than she had in some time. Although her eyes stung and her lungs burned, she knew better than to stop. Instead, she let her mind drift back and forth over the past few months as though searching for a clue, any tiny shred of evidence that may have simply been overlooked. She’d played out this scenario hundreds of times, hoping that she could find something she’d missed that, if found, would make everything clear, and suddenly, it would all make perfect sense.
It wasn’t unusual that William Hartman weighed heavily on Addison’s mind, and today was certainly no different. Unfortunately, the situation had become significantly worse over the past twenty-four hours, and no matter what she did or how she tried to keep herself busy, she couldn’t stop her thoughts from returning to the letter she’d written. Her mind played it back over and over. She remembered how she’d traced her finger around the smooth edges of her finest stationery then carefully tucked it back in the envelope. She thought about how she’d taken it out again just to run her fingers over it one final time as though maybe, just maybe, she could tuck a little bit of her love in with it while silently praying that somehow the letter’s recipient might feel it. She’d even entertained the idea that if she were to concentrate hard enough perhaps she might undo what she’d done—how quickly she’d emailed the courier and scheduled for a pick up before calling to cancel, only to finally call back and schedule once again.
Still, no matter how her heart struggled against what she’d done, her mind knew it was the right thing to do. Addison hadn’t been able to forgive herself after what would be forever dubbed “the disastrous Christmas-tree event.” It had been that night as she pressed her head to the smooth cold tile of her bathroom floor with tears streaming silently down her face that she finally understood what it was she needed to do. She realized then it was time she let him go, once and for all. She wasn’t good for him. That much was clear. Asking him to wait for her wasn’t fair. Aside from that, her life was a complete and total mess. There wasn’t room for anything else, certainly not love and all of its glorious chaos.
For starters, Scott Hammons, the madman who had kidnapped and tortured her, had been arraigned, pleading not guilty, and was out on bail. He’d somehow managed to retain counsel who was able to convince a judge to allow him a pre-trial release after agreeing to a strict no-contact order, 24/7 electronic monitoring, and posting an obscene amount of bail money. No restraining order and certainly no ankle bracelet were enough to make Addie feel safe. She’d seen what Scott Hammons was capable of, not to mention the look in his eye at the arraignment. She didn’t figure he was done with her, not by a long shot. Secondly, she was being blackmailed by her husband to stay in a marriage that they both knew deep down, whether he wanted to admit it or not, was broken beyond repair.
Not only was her life in utter turmoil at the moment but it was certainly no place to let love walk in. The next few months, at least until the preliminary hearing, were about nothing more than survival. At the thoughts of Scott Hammons and survival, Addie pushed harder, feeling each step as her feet pounded the payment. The faster she ran, the more the words she’d written played out in her mind, words that would never, could never, be enough.
Panting hard and slightly dizzy, Addison was trying to recall whether she’d eaten anything that morning when a sudden movement up ahead caught her eye, causing her to stop abruptly in her tracks. After focusing in and realizing she recognized the car, Addie sighed and braced herself, knowing exactly what was waiting for her down the road.
William Hartman turned the unassuming envelope over in his hands, considering the weight of it. No one sent letters like this anymore, and this one seemed to scream class. He didn’t open his own mail, and whoever had sent this understood that, which meant that there could only be a few people who knew how to deliver something to him in this manner.
Opening it, he admired the stationery, realizing exactly whom it was from and what it would say. William sank back it his chair, ran his fingers through his jet-black hair, and proceeded to take it all in.
Dear William,
I’ve wanted so many times to call over the past week, but with the trial coming up, the attorneys have instructed me not have any contact with you. In addition, it’s very plausible that you have no interest in hearing from me today or any other day for that matter. But I want to tell you that I’m sorry, William. I am so very sorry for so many things. I’m sorry for making the decisions that I did, I’m sorry for dragging you into the chaos that is my life, I’m sorry that you saw what you did the other night in the park, and I will be forever sorry that I didn’t have the strength in that moment to do and say all the things I should have. The one thing I’m not sorry for is falling in love with you. I want you to know that I would give just about anything to be where you are, to be in a different time and a different place. And I want you to know, for what it’s worth, that I would give it all if it would mean that I could take back the way things turned out in the park the other night. But I can’t. And the truth is what happened has
given me the clarity to understand what I need to do from here.
I need to move forward with my life, William. I need to move forward with the way things really are, the way they currently stand, not how I wish they were. I have to beat Scott Hammons in this trial. I need to prove to him and everyone else that what he did to me was real, that I’m not what they’re going to say I am, William. I need my kids to be safe and secure and know that their mother loves them and would do ANYTHING for them. For the time being that means I need to stay in my marriage, and for what it’s worth, I can’t very well do that with one foot out the door. And most importantly, I cannot do that and be hopelessly in love with you.
I have to let go for good this time. The irony here is that it’s fairly likely that you already have and that I really don’t have to say any of this at all. Honestly, if we’re facing facts here, it appears that we’ve both let go. But so long as neither of says it out loud, it can’t be real, can it? I guess that is why I felt I needed to say it.
Again, I’m sorry, William. I am so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry to have been just one more person in your life who has let you down. And while I regret the aftermath, I do not, for one second, regret any of the love between us.
I hope for you the very best that life has to offer; William, and I want to thank you. Thank you for loving me. But most of all, thank you for showing me a very different kind of love than I’d ever known before.
A world of love,
Addison
William meticulously placed the note back in its envelope. He’d been right about one thing. It was classy; that was for sure. Suddenly needing to let off steam, he laced his Nikes and headed downstairs to the gym but not before placing a phone call that could no longer be delayed. Apparently, Addison Greyer had forgotten whom she was dealing with. Too bad for her, William Hartman had just decided he was finished playing nice. This time he wasn’t fighting fair.
Two
Addison walked slowly towards the woman who had once been her boss. Leaning against the car driven by a driver Addison didn’t recognize, Sondra Sheehan was dressed to the nines just as she always had. It seemed motherhood hadn’t slowed her down in the least. Addie stopped a good five feet away and just stared. It’s better to play dumb.