Hunt tensed, not liking the idea of Adie having a good time without him. And what exactly was that good time comprised of? Sleeping with guys? Yeah, the thought did not thrill him.
Hunt ran his fingers through his hair, irritated with himself. He wasn’t a hypocrite, if men could enjoy themselves in the bedroom so could women, without any guilt or stigma. He knew that, intellectually, but the thought of Adie having random affairs made his teeth slam together.
Yet, a quick affair was all he could offer her. Ironic, right?
“I’m committed to being single, to not being answerable to anyone, to not being married, having a partner or having kids.”
Despite her tough words, Hunt thought he heard wistfulness in her voice. “You sound like you’re trying to convince yourself not me.”
“Ah!” Adie drilled her finger into his chest and Hunt captured it. “In July or February, we would probably be in bed together but it’s Christmas...”
Okay, he’d lost her. “What does Christmas have to do with us sleeping together?”
“It’sChristmas, Hunter!”
“I need a bit more of an explanation than you telling me over and over that’s it’s Christmas, Adie.”
Adie’s shoulders reached her ears. “When I was a lot younger, I had a history of using men to satisfy my need for attention and validation. I’d jump into relationships fast and, inevitably, would end up with a broken heart.”
Hunt didn’t know where she was going with this but he’d listen. Listen, and try to understand—that was all he could do.
“I cured myself of doing that and I’ve been celibate for a long, long time.”
“How long?” Hunt asked.
“Five years.”
“Hot damn,” Hunt replied. “But I’m still not seeing the connection between you saying no to me, your past and Christmas.”
“I’m not sure if I’m attracted to you because, you know, chemistry.” Adie pushed her hand through her hair, looking miserable. “Or if I’m looking for attention or if I’m using you as a distraction to push away a lot of bad memories. They always seem to float to the surface at this time of year.”
“Can you share those memories with me?” Hunt asked, curious.
“I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m scared that, by sleeping with you, I’d be jumping back into an old habit and that I might start confusing attraction for attention again.”
Hunt immediately understood the subtext to her words. “You’re worried you are going to confuse sex and affection?” He wouldn’t say the word love—it had no place in this conversation.
Or in his life.
Adie stared at the floor, her arms crossed over her chest, her mouth thin with embarrassment.
Hunt lifted her chin and waited for her to meet his eyes. “I’m not the guy you want to fall in love with, Adie. I don’t do love, commitment, happy-ever-after. I don’t believe in the concept.”
Adie threw up her hands, frustrated. “Yeah, I understand that. I don’t either, Hunter! That’s why I’m trying to figure out what I’m feeling, why I need to keep saying no to sleeping with you.”
“Look, I know myself really well and, frankly, this has little do with you and everything to do with me,” Adie added.
He heard her “get over yourself” subtext as clearly as if she’d spoken the words. Oh, and that was something else he found so damn attractive about her—he didn’t intimidate her. Neither did he put stars in her eyes.
“You’re an attractive, successful, interesting guy but I’m also leaving soon and we are working together and it’s all too complicated.”
Adie rested her forehead on his collarbone. “Trust me, Sheridan, I’m wickedly tempted but I learned, a long time ago, that nobody is going to look after me. It’s up to me to protect myself. This is me, protecting myself.”
I’d like to protect you.
Hunt lifted his hand to rub his lower jaw, feeling a little unbalanced from that very unusual and left-of-center thought. But for the first time in his adult life, he wanted to stand between a woman and whatever caused her pain. He wanted to protect Adie from whatever threatened her, whether it was self-doubt or her past or some existential threat.
He wanted to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight, putting his back to the world and taking the hits for her.