“Does Hue know?” Mia asked. Mia always knew what was happening in this town, even when you worked hard to hide it from her. Though she was happy this was the first time she had brought it up.
“No, he never realized while we were together. It’s not his, so I won’t tell him.” And he would never know it even happened.
“Maybe it would be better with someone by your side,” Mia pointed out.
“No, I’m fine,” Amanda said firmly.
“No, you’re not. Everyone is worried about you. Everyone sees you’re depressed. You don’t do anything anymore. And now I know it is going to get worse before it gets better. Way worse.” There was concern in her voice.
“It’s not anything I haven’t been through before. I will survive this too.” Amanda tried to calm her concern.
“How long do you think you have before…?” Mia asked, nodding at her stomach.
“Very soon, any day. I’m hoping before the baptism.” It was in eleven days.
“How are you going to do the baptism either way?” Mia questioned.
“It’s going to be the hardest day of my life. But I love Tess, Math, and Zia too much to not do it. I’ll regret it forever if I back out,” Amanda admitted. But in truth, she didn’t know how she was going to go to the baptism still pregnant. She hadn’t been able to look at that baby in weeks. She just reminded her of what she was going to be missing.
“Are you going to tell the book club?” Both knew the first rule of book club: what happens at book club stays in book club. But that was only if it was told to book club.
“No. Some things I don’t like to share.” If she had wanted to, she would have by now.
“You mean basically everything. Maybe Tess wouldn’t have set Hue up if she had a clue that you were hot for him,” Mia pointed out. Now Amanda knew that Mia had noticed everything that night at the bar.
“I am not hot for Hue,” Amanda argued.
“Okay, right. I guess you’re not going to want me to tell anyone either.”
“Please don’t, Mia,” Amanda pleaded, giving up her pretense that she didn’t care.
“I won’t as long as you call me when it happens. So, I can cry with you. You need someone to cry with, Amanda Nordskov. To be there for you.” Mia got up and went around the desk and hugged her cousin tight.
“I will call, I promise.” But in reality, she didn’t think she would. Her pain was never easy to share.
CHAPTER17
Zia’s baptismmorning was another cold, sunny morning. The temperatures were at minus fifteen degrees when Amanda’s parents picked her up outside of her apartment. There was a thick blanket of snow covering all the land, except those spots where man had fought against nature and shoveled it into piles.
Amanda had taken great care to find an outfit for today. Leggings were her go-to pants now. She had ordered a shirt a few weeks ago, and it perfectly covered her growing mid-section in a floral pattern meant to distract. As her dad drove the short distance to the church, she was actually happy today—after a long, stern lecture to herself this morning before she even got out of bed that this only happened once, and she needed to enjoy it. She promised herself that she wasn’t going to be sad on that one and only day. By this afternoon, she would have a goddaughter. At least it was some kind of daughter. It was the best she could hope for.
The parking lot at the church was full, as to be expected for her niece’s big day. Her dad, Otto, dropped her mom and her off right in front of the front door. Which made Amanda happy because her coat didn’t even come close to closing anymore, and she couldn’t even try. Holding the present in front of her open coat, she stepped into the warm church. It was familiar in a comforting sort of way since she, too, had been baptized there as a baby.
Everyone turned to see who the new arrivals were, and she smiled at her family and friends gathered there. One of her nephews grabbed the present from her arms and took off, most likely taking it to the basement, where there would be a little party after the service. But she missed the large package immediately. Now there was nothing to distract eyes from her body.
Her brother grabbed her mom’s coat, and Amanda shrugged hers off and handed it to him also. Now was the moment. Would anyone notice how much bigger she was? Would her mom comment on it?
To her surprise, her mom looked her up and down but said nothing, just smiled before she turned and walked away. Relief rushed through her. If her mom didn’t say anything, nobody would. Had one of her siblings talked to her? Amanda knew it didn’t matter; all she cared about was that nothing had been said.
Mia rushed over to her and put her arm around her to lead her into the sanctuary. “How are you today?” Mia asked quietly, concern in her eyes.
Today Mia was in jeans and a red sweater. She looked nothing but comfortable, but then again, she didn’t have to stand in front of all her relatives and friends and be stared at. Amanda wasn’t so lucky.
“I’m great. I’m so excited to be a godmother,” she whispered back, though it wasn’t a secret.
“A fairy godmother?” Mia asked with a chuckle.
“When her birthday rolls around, you bet.” She smiled. It was like she woke up this morning and a fog had lifted, and she could be happy again. It felt good.