EPILOGUE
One last lookat the clock, and Hazel knew she was late. Today seemed like one of those days where the past was pressing down on her. Today was her birthday, and not just hers. But today would be the first one she wouldn’t spend with her grandma. Over the last few months, she had hoped her grandma would have a change of heart, but so far, that hadn’t happened, and Hazel was slowly losing faith that it ever would.
Two weeks ago, she heard that Rose had moved from Landstad to Campbell. It was only seven miles away, but for Hazel, it felt like the rift between them had turned into an ocean. She was sure everyone in town knew before she did, and only Ruston had been brave enough to tell her. But then Ruston was probably the only person she would let herself fall apart in front of.
His parents had tried to take over the role her grandparents once held in her life, but she wasn’t ready for them to be replaced just yet. Though she was more than willing to let them be the kind of grandparents her son had never had.
For a moment, she debated on a jacket. It was only a short walk across the street, but it was also fifteen below zero. If she didn’t take a jacket, she would freeze, but it was such a hassle for such a short walk.
“Put on a jacket, Hazel.” Her grandma’s voice rang through her head, and instantly she pulled it from the closet and slipped into it.
The memory was enough to make tears sting her eyes. She knew it would be easier if her grandma was just dead instead of seven miles away. That she had closure and no hope to see her again. Closure was all she needed that day.
Out the door, the cold took her breath away instantly. No matter how many winters she had lived through, the cold surprised her every year. But this year, she was able to go out without explaining where she was going and what she was doing. Whether her grandparents had been nosy or worried, she would never know. They never said. Probably just concerned that she would leave John Henry and never come back.
Putting her head down, she rushed to the church, but instead of the church, her chilled feet took her someplace else, someplace she hadn’t been in months and hadn’t even thought of as a place where she wanted to go.
Red tennis shoes sank into the half-foot of crunchy snow as she went. Some trickled into her socks, but she didn’t feel the cold at all as she stopped and looked at the familiar names—names that she had learned to spell and write as she learned her own. How jealous she had been that neither of her siblings had to learn both e and a in their names, but she did. Had they been just as jealous that she had an L, the easiest letter to write in the alphabet? She would never know.
In the daylight, she felt weird talking to them out loud. In the dark before her wedding, it was easy, but today it wasn’t. But now they were not the strangers they had been before. She had made sure that their memory was a part of her present. That they were not forgotten again.
Natalie had helped with that. She had let her back into her life more and more. Or maybe it was that Natalie pushed to be back in her life more and more. Natalie had changed from the girl who had been friends with Hanna. Hazel didn’t know whether it was the accident that changed her or if she would have changed anyway. Maybe she would always have matured into the woman she was now. Would Hanna have matured the same way? Would she and her sister be close? Had Hanna died at a moment when she wasn’t a nice person?
“Happy birthday, Hazel,” Kit said from behind her, causing Hazel to jump.
Turning, she tried to smile a little and push away the tears that had frozen on her cheeks in the extreme cold. “Thanks. Did Ruston tell you?”
Kit’s eyes went to the grave behind her. “No, I saw you. I …”
“You were worried?” Hazel asked in surprise.
“Sort of. It is well below zero, and your jacket isn’t even zipped up. That and you never come out here.” Kit shoved her hands in her pockets because the woman looked freezing cold already, even if she was in a big fluffy jacket.
“I should. It’s right here.” She looked over at her house, where she felt more at home in than the one she had been raised in.
“How about when it is warmer? I’ll come with. Natalie too. Take a day to remember them,” Kit suggested.
“You don’t have to say that.” Hazel shook her head.
“I know, but I want to.” Kit looked back at Thomas. “I told you once, and I will tell you again. You were not the only one affected by the accident. I hurt too.”
“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hazel said. “I just know you are busy with your work, kids, and everything.”
“Not too busy for my friends,” Kit said. “And I consider you my friend, and not just because Thomas and Ruston are friends. But because we are friends. We are part of a club that has few members, and we must be there for each other.”
“What club?” she asked, because Kit was not a part of book club, had never even shown an interest in it. And if she did want in, her sister, cousin, and brother’s girlfriend were in it. There was no need to ask Hazel for permission.
“The survivors club. And it’s just you, me, and Natalie. For years, we have been trying to get through this alone, but from here on out, we do it together.”
“That sounds nice.” She watched Natalie tromping through the snow, coming their way.
“Hey, Kit. happy birthday.” Natalie instantly enveloped her into a hug. She didn’t know if Natalie was talking to her or her sibling’s grave. And for once, Hazel didn’t care. “I should have come earlier, but Sam takes forever to get ready. Men, right?” Natalie rambled and gave Hazel a hug. “What are you two doing?”
“Forming a club. You’re already a member,” Kit informed her.
“Can I be president?” Natalie didn’t even question the club.
“There are only three of us in it. No president,” Hazel informed her, smiling.