With that, the conversation died between them, and Mia started to talk about what happened while Natalie was gone. Mostly it was nothing, but a few interesting things were brewing in town. And, of course, Mia knew about it.
Half-listening, she watched to see that Hazel was only half-listening as well. Ruth was talking about the football team, who were doing pretty good this year, and Mia was saying that the volleyball team had no coach yet, so that was probably going to be dropped this year. Hazel’s eyes bounced from Ruth to Mia to Mandy to Tess, but not to Natalie. Never to Natalie. Wishing she could make Hazel talk, she tried to catch her eye but couldn’t.
The laughter and joking from before the recording were gone, at least for Hazel and Natalie. The others seemed not to have noticed. Natalie was deciding whether to have another drink or to just leave when she noticed Hazel leaving. Quickly, she finished the drink she had left and grabbed her computer.
Turning to Ruth, she asked, “Can I just leave the headphones here for the next few weeks? I don’t want to have to move them around to wherever I land.”
“Of course,” Ruth agreed, coming over to her and putting the cover on the box that was staying with her. “I’ll text you when I find out if I have a place.”
“Thanks.” Natalie slung the bag over her shoulder. “I should get going. I didn’t even get to do anything when I got back. We were so late.”
Everybody said goodbye as she walked out the door, waving at them. Down the stairs, she went and put her bag in her car slowly. Closing the door, she leaned against her car, knowing Hazel would have to walk past her to get to her own car. Natalie stared into the night sky as she waited for what seemed like a long time before Hazel came through the door of Ruth’s apartment.
Natalie saw the moment Hazel noticed she was still there. Her steps slowed, and her back stiffened. She was probably debating just going back into the apartment or walking the other way. Anything but walking by Natalie.
“Hazel, I want to talk to you,” Natalie said to her friend.
“I don’t think we have anything to say to each other, Natalie.” Hazel ran her hand through her short hair as she spoke, a nervous habit Natalie recalled from way back.
“But we do. We have everything to say. We never talk,” Natalie argued.
“We don’t need to talk,” Hazel assured her, still not moving.
“It’s like a black cloud hanging over us.”
“It’s all around us, Natalie, not hanging over us. It’s everywhere,” Hazel explained, and Natalie knew she was right. It was all around them, and they hadn’t been able to find their way out. But Natalie was suddenly on the edge, and she wanted out.
“I want to get through it. I want you to get through it,” she explained.
“I don’t see me ever getting through it; it’s been a lot of years, and it’s still as fresh as it was the day it happened.” Hazel shoved her fists into her front jean’s pockets.
“How did you find out about the accident?” Natalie had started to take an interest in what happened after the accident when she was in a coma. Sam made her realize that the accident hadn’t only affected those involved; it rippled to everyone. And those affected first had been affected the most.
“They woke me up to help identify the bodies. So, I saw them. Both of them,” Hazel whispered.
Natalie knew how bad she had looked after the accident, and she knew the funerals had been closed casket. Sam had told her that. But Hazel had seen them. Her grandparents should have never made her do that when she was so young, and it angered Natalie that they had. She had been seventeen and still a kid.
“Why? Why did they do that?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but I see them in my dreams like that. Always dead.” Hazel’s voice cracked.
“Hazel.” Natalie went to take her friend in her arms, but Hazel backed away from her into a wall.
“No, Natalie, no. You can’t make it better. Maybe you can get over it, but I never will. My life stopped that day. I was no longer who I had been, who I was going to be.” Hazel’s back was now against the brink wall.
“Hazel, you can’t have that day decide your life,” Natalie said, knowing that in some ways, she had let that day decide her life.
“Yes, I can. I think of it every day. I am here because I am all that is left.”
“You shouldn’t be here. You need to follow your dreams. You need to sing again,” Natalie said to her friend whose talent was bigger than this town. Hazel wouldn’t stop singing when they were growing up, but since coming back, Natalie hadn’t heard her once.
“Over the last few years, I would sometimes go to Grand Forks to parties. Just college parties. There was a band that would let me sing during their breaks. I’ve quit that.” Hazel ran a hand through her hair, messing it up completely.
“That sounds amazing, Hazel. Why quit?” Natalie was both shocked and intrigued by her admission. Seeing Hazel perform had always been a treat, seeing her perform at not a school function would have been amazing.
“Grandma didn’t want to watch John Henry all the time,” was all she answered.
“But you need time away from him,” Natalie argued.